Get ready for another very random post people.
A little known fact? I'm a little bit of a tree hugger.
Okay, maybe not so little. At least to those that know me well. I am not as fantastic as I could be. I wish I could be the best damn earth saving philanthropist out there. I have to settle for just being me and having to work a "real job" and just doing what I can do.
I annoy the crap out of my husband because I'm not great at getting recyclables out of the house. Our town charges a butt load for curb side service. It's cheaper to just load the car up once in awhile and drive them the mile to the plant. It makes me feel good. I also know stuff slips through.
It's the same with my shopping. Everyone sometimes gets frustrated with me because I'm always harping about the state of our bank account but I'm willing to pay a few bucks for the good old blue Dawn dish soap because they help the animals. I'll pay the extra for post consumer content in my paper towel and aluminum foil. I'll buy local. I fell in L.O.V.E with a new farmers market this past Saturday. Maybe next time I go I'll get some pictures because it was amazing. I scored some pickled asparagus and honey made less than 15 miles from my house. Both are to die for. I love pure, raw honey. I know that stuff in the store says pure...but if you've ever had it straight from the farm, you know that thick gooey stuff in the bear bottle isn't the best stuff out there.
Believe it or not, this post was not actually brought to you by my trip to the market or my wish to save the planet. It was brought to you by my night time beauty routine.
You heard me correctly...my night time beauty routine. As I'm sitting in the bathroom applying my night cream (thank you old age..my face now requires night cream) and my hair oil and all that good jazz I realize that my love of nature and my love of saving my wallet a few bucks have found a perfect balance. It took a lot of time. A lot of bottles of stuff being tossed in the trash. A lot of irritated skin.
I realized that all of my products are almost all natural products. I found some amazing stuff in some not so traditional places. My favorite face cream is Burts Bees Baby Bee Buttermilk Lotion. My face adores that crap! The best oil for my hair? A $7 bottle of Burts Bees Baby Bee Almond Oil. I'm not joking when I say two drops of this stuff goes a very long way. The best serum and face cream? It's at The Body Shop. My new cleanser that took me almost three years to find? Neutrogena Naturals Cleanser and Make Up Remover. It's $5 a bottle. If your face is extra dry, go for some Say Yes to Carrots or Cucumbers. Very inexpensive.
I'm a firm believer that nature will always give us everything we need to survive. If you're hungry, you can grow something. If you're cold you can warm by a fire. If you're warm you can cool off with a breeze or some water. Nature is what will keep you beautiful..and save you a few bucks in the process.
Next time you find yourself stuck in a beauty rut...get out of the beauty aisles. Try something new.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Guilt
I'm pretty sure I've posted before with this title but this is different. Or maybe not. Is guilt always the same? Does it matter what it stems from or just that your suffering with it? Who knows. I don't. Not sure I care either.
I've been fairly melancholy lately. I miss my kids. I miss being home (I'm working my ass off lately). I miss hanging with friends. I feel guilty for all of that too. Guilty for not spending enough time with the kids, the husband, the house, the dog...the washing machine and I are still talking on a daily basis though. The shower and I are drifting apart. That's bad.
Lately with all the talk about the economy, the housing market, the elections flying around like the thick and plentiful dust in my house it's got me down. I've had a lot on my mind about all of these things. I'm tired of it all. Prices are rising because of droughts, fires, and rising oil prices. The corn fields around me at home are sad...or just plain dead. We can barely get tomatoes to grow in the back yard. It's just too hot and dry. That makes my water and electric bill go up. I try to work overtime to cover that jump. Gas prices keep going up, produce prices keep going up, milk? I think we're going to have to switch to powered. I keep working overtime to cover that jump. I'm just tired. Worn out.
Life overload.
I've been working overtime to pay for making my house a veritable fortress against the others. By the others I mean the people in my neighborhood that feel it's okay to take from those they see as more fortunate. Am I? More fortunate than they are? Some days I think yes, others not so much. More yes than no. I do have HBO after all.
I've noticed stuff lately. The guilt I'm feeling is because I feel fortunate. I have a home, a job, a bed, and even though it's sparse, I have food in my kitchen...as long as you're not counting that banana that's been hanging around a week too long. I don't think that counts as food anymore.
There are so many people standing on the side of the road when I come to work with signs. They say "Need Work" or "Have family, have no food, please help" or the one I see almost every day "Anything will help, even a smile."
Then I think about seeing blurbs on TV of our president. He's smiling. He's on a private jet, he's smiling at a basketball game (up on the jumbo tron, kissing cam no less..that's a huge accomplishment is it not?), he's back from vacation, he's going on vacation. He's got his freshly pressed sleeves rolled up like he's ready to work hard....to get his hands dirty.
I'll admit it right here, publicly. I voted for him. I was ready for change. We needed a change. We needed a whole makeover.
I'm still waiting. Aren't we all? I'm not slamming him..or maybe I am. I don't know. I don't want to talk politics, I want to talk human kindness.
I wonder if President Obama's smiling face is the one that homeless and hungry man on the corner is looking for? How would he feel if it were him driving my car by...nothing to give but my own lunch meant to get me through the next 14 hours of work? Would that really help, a smile? I see a lot more than that. More than half have dogs with them, in 100 degree weather. Are they really homeless, hungry, and helpless to their situation or are they professional beggars that really could make more than I do in a day? I wonder this. Then I feel guilty for wondering this. Who am I to judge? I can only do my part. I want to do more for my fellow people, I hate that I have to leave them standing on that corner in the hot sun..their dogs with them just staying close to their masters like the best of friends do. I tell myself tomorrow I'm going to bring extra PB&J sandwiches and snack bags of veggies, baggies of dog food for their companions. Then I forget..and the next day I feel even more guilty for forgetting because I was too tired or lazy to get out of bed and ran late.
I'm not as up on my politics as I should be. I'm too upset about it all really. I feel like the state of our country is too overwhelming to try to fix...and I feel as if our only choices aren't really choices at all.
I just want to do better. I just want to help. I need to get rid of the guilt that I carry around all the damn time. I really will remember one of these days to pack a few extra sack lunches or grab some gift cards to fast food joints. I'll have doggie bags made up as well. There is other stuff to do, you can grow food and donate it to a food bank. You don't really have to get your hands dirty to help. Why don't I help more? Why can't I just go to bed happy with myself and the choices I've made for today?
I can't change what will happen in the higher ranks of this place...those that really make the decisions but I can change what's going on down here in the dredges of everyday life. I hope.
I hope everyone reading this will too. Don't judge the people you see...just help them. What they choose to do with your help is on their conscious, not yours. Yours will be clear.
We can be our own change...isn't that how the saying goes? Be the change you want to see in the world?
There it is...the stuff that won't let me sleep on a typical Tuesday.
I've been fairly melancholy lately. I miss my kids. I miss being home (I'm working my ass off lately). I miss hanging with friends. I feel guilty for all of that too. Guilty for not spending enough time with the kids, the husband, the house, the dog...the washing machine and I are still talking on a daily basis though. The shower and I are drifting apart. That's bad.
Lately with all the talk about the economy, the housing market, the elections flying around like the thick and plentiful dust in my house it's got me down. I've had a lot on my mind about all of these things. I'm tired of it all. Prices are rising because of droughts, fires, and rising oil prices. The corn fields around me at home are sad...or just plain dead. We can barely get tomatoes to grow in the back yard. It's just too hot and dry. That makes my water and electric bill go up. I try to work overtime to cover that jump. Gas prices keep going up, produce prices keep going up, milk? I think we're going to have to switch to powered. I keep working overtime to cover that jump. I'm just tired. Worn out.
Life overload.
I've been working overtime to pay for making my house a veritable fortress against the others. By the others I mean the people in my neighborhood that feel it's okay to take from those they see as more fortunate. Am I? More fortunate than they are? Some days I think yes, others not so much. More yes than no. I do have HBO after all.
I've noticed stuff lately. The guilt I'm feeling is because I feel fortunate. I have a home, a job, a bed, and even though it's sparse, I have food in my kitchen...as long as you're not counting that banana that's been hanging around a week too long. I don't think that counts as food anymore.
There are so many people standing on the side of the road when I come to work with signs. They say "Need Work" or "Have family, have no food, please help" or the one I see almost every day "Anything will help, even a smile."
Then I think about seeing blurbs on TV of our president. He's smiling. He's on a private jet, he's smiling at a basketball game (up on the jumbo tron, kissing cam no less..that's a huge accomplishment is it not?), he's back from vacation, he's going on vacation. He's got his freshly pressed sleeves rolled up like he's ready to work hard....to get his hands dirty.
I'll admit it right here, publicly. I voted for him. I was ready for change. We needed a change. We needed a whole makeover.
I'm still waiting. Aren't we all? I'm not slamming him..or maybe I am. I don't know. I don't want to talk politics, I want to talk human kindness.
I wonder if President Obama's smiling face is the one that homeless and hungry man on the corner is looking for? How would he feel if it were him driving my car by...nothing to give but my own lunch meant to get me through the next 14 hours of work? Would that really help, a smile? I see a lot more than that. More than half have dogs with them, in 100 degree weather. Are they really homeless, hungry, and helpless to their situation or are they professional beggars that really could make more than I do in a day? I wonder this. Then I feel guilty for wondering this. Who am I to judge? I can only do my part. I want to do more for my fellow people, I hate that I have to leave them standing on that corner in the hot sun..their dogs with them just staying close to their masters like the best of friends do. I tell myself tomorrow I'm going to bring extra PB&J sandwiches and snack bags of veggies, baggies of dog food for their companions. Then I forget..and the next day I feel even more guilty for forgetting because I was too tired or lazy to get out of bed and ran late.
I'm not as up on my politics as I should be. I'm too upset about it all really. I feel like the state of our country is too overwhelming to try to fix...and I feel as if our only choices aren't really choices at all.
I just want to do better. I just want to help. I need to get rid of the guilt that I carry around all the damn time. I really will remember one of these days to pack a few extra sack lunches or grab some gift cards to fast food joints. I'll have doggie bags made up as well. There is other stuff to do, you can grow food and donate it to a food bank. You don't really have to get your hands dirty to help. Why don't I help more? Why can't I just go to bed happy with myself and the choices I've made for today?
I can't change what will happen in the higher ranks of this place...those that really make the decisions but I can change what's going on down here in the dredges of everyday life. I hope.
I hope everyone reading this will too. Don't judge the people you see...just help them. What they choose to do with your help is on their conscious, not yours. Yours will be clear.
We can be our own change...isn't that how the saying goes? Be the change you want to see in the world?
There it is...the stuff that won't let me sleep on a typical Tuesday.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Comfortable
There's something about that word, comfortable. It's so ambiguous and so specific at the same time...all while being universally understood.
It describes those yoga pants of mine that I can't seem to get out of. My bed, all cozy and soft. The smell of clean laundry, the crook of my husband's shoulder, the feel of all my kids sitting around me just watching television.
I've always thought I was comfortable in my own skin, always known who I was as a person. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really was or if I just lost it somewhere along the way. If there was something at a point in my life that made me...well, uncomfortable.
As I get older I realize that maybe that's exactly what it was. I can't pinpoint when it happened. If it was a person or an event that did it. I only know that it happened because recently I find I'm getting back to it, to my old self.
I'm kind of a dork, more than a little weird, and I say a lot of inappropriate things and the most inappropriate times. I can't help it. There is no filter between my brain and my mouth. I find I don't do it so much online. I'm able to find a filter...I'm still not sure where. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with not being a size six. I'm okay with my wide ass feet and my wide ass. I'm okay with my jeans and tank tops. I'm not okay with my ridiculously plain and straight hair but that's an easy enough fix. I'm pretty comfortable with my parenting ways. I don't have bad kids..they just have bad days. Goodness knows I have plenty of my own.
I am enjoying this time, I love that I'm comfortable enough with my life to get back to me. Don't get me wrong, I have made many mistakes. I carry a lot of guilt. A lot. Even more.
My life is starting to feel comfortable in spite of it all. It reminds me of a light sweater in the spring. You don't wear it all the time but it's there. Hanging on your shoulders...around your waist...lurking in the back seat of the car. It's like an old, favorite comfortable spring sweater. A fuzzy yellow one.
It's taken a lot of years to get here. I just realized today that I'm content where I'm at. I'm not content with a few things, but overall, I really couldn't ask for more than what I have. We still struggle, we still have issues in our house but I wouldn't trade it. We're getting there. I'm getting there.
Comfortable. It feels good.
It describes those yoga pants of mine that I can't seem to get out of. My bed, all cozy and soft. The smell of clean laundry, the crook of my husband's shoulder, the feel of all my kids sitting around me just watching television.
I've always thought I was comfortable in my own skin, always known who I was as a person. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really was or if I just lost it somewhere along the way. If there was something at a point in my life that made me...well, uncomfortable.
As I get older I realize that maybe that's exactly what it was. I can't pinpoint when it happened. If it was a person or an event that did it. I only know that it happened because recently I find I'm getting back to it, to my old self.
I'm kind of a dork, more than a little weird, and I say a lot of inappropriate things and the most inappropriate times. I can't help it. There is no filter between my brain and my mouth. I find I don't do it so much online. I'm able to find a filter...I'm still not sure where. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with not being a size six. I'm okay with my wide ass feet and my wide ass. I'm okay with my jeans and tank tops. I'm not okay with my ridiculously plain and straight hair but that's an easy enough fix. I'm pretty comfortable with my parenting ways. I don't have bad kids..they just have bad days. Goodness knows I have plenty of my own.
I am enjoying this time, I love that I'm comfortable enough with my life to get back to me. Don't get me wrong, I have made many mistakes. I carry a lot of guilt. A lot. Even more.
My life is starting to feel comfortable in spite of it all. It reminds me of a light sweater in the spring. You don't wear it all the time but it's there. Hanging on your shoulders...around your waist...lurking in the back seat of the car. It's like an old, favorite comfortable spring sweater. A fuzzy yellow one.
It's taken a lot of years to get here. I just realized today that I'm content where I'm at. I'm not content with a few things, but overall, I really couldn't ask for more than what I have. We still struggle, we still have issues in our house but I wouldn't trade it. We're getting there. I'm getting there.
Comfortable. It feels good.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Cheapskate
That's me. I'm a cheapskate. A frugal little whore. Most of the time.
Over the years I've learned when to spend the money and when to skip it. I've learned a few tricks that maybe can help someone out somehow. Not sure why this is on my mind today. Probably because I'm broke as hell, stressed as hell, and want to spend lots of money. Which is how I usually deal with being broke and stressed.
Things I think you should never buy on the cheap:
Shoes
Bed linens
Jeans
Furniture
Toilet paper
Perfume
I'm not saying to always pay full price for those things. I'm a HUGE fan of getting deals on normally expensive things. Black Friday is the perfect day for scoring on the bed linens and jeans..maybe even the furniture. The best deals I ever found on Black Friday was a dishwasher, a convection microwave, and 1200 thread count sheet sets. It worked out to be able to save for those because I knew we'd end up finding deals and wouldn't have to wrestle the crowds because they're not common Christmas shopping things. All of those were under $100 each. DSW has the best clearance racks for shoes...combine that 70% off price tag with one of their $5 or $10 off coupons and you're walking out with a $150 pair of shoes for $8.
Just about everything else is fair game. I know some would argue the furniture bit there but after 3 kids, 16 years, and countless sofas, dining room tables, and recliners I've learned my lesson. There really IS a difference between a $250 sofa and an $1800 one. It's about 8 years and 2 kids worth of difference....and still going. Spend the money. You'll thank yourself, unless you're one of those people that has to buy new stuff every year. In that case just hit up IKEA.
I love Suave shampoos and conditioners, I've used the Biolage, Paul Mitchell, you name it. The Suave really does work just as well. Instead of the expensive hair oils I use Burts Bees Baby Bee Almond Oil. I buy Target brand body wash, unless my favorite Coconut SoftScrub is on sale. I've used Aussie Sprunch spray since 6th grade. It's changed a bit but I can't seem to give it up and it's still under $3 a bottle. My favorite eye liner of all time is still the $.93 long stick Wet n Wild. I can't get enough of the NYC $1.50 lipgloss. I can deal with regular baby lotion instead of the fancy pants stuff. Now Johnson and Johnson has a few different scents like Cocoa and Shea Butter, Country Apple, and Lavender. Nothing high end but it gets the job done. Cheap nailpolish is my obsession. I actually like doing my own nails at home with a cocktail and an epsom salt soak.
What I really have the most fun with is planning vacations on a budget. It's a challenge I take very seriously. My biggest secret is VRBO. I guess I can't really call it a secret, I think I tell everyone I know about it. It's how I got a 5 bedroom, 5 bath house with its own pool and hot tub for $1100 for 8 days. It's how I went to Hawaii, twice, for $85 a day. I love it, I really can't get enough. If you're planning a trip for three nights or longer it's a must. You always have a fully stocked kitchen so you can save even more by making your own meals. Not a fantastic idea but hey..if you want to afford to go to Hawaii or the likes, you make concessions. I wanted the Hawaiian food experience so instead of restaurants or eateries (we still went to a few) we hit the local farmers market or food stands and cooked with all the local fare. I think I have more fun than should be allowed searching for the perfect place when we decide to go somewhere. Searching for free or cheap activities. Look for local Groupons before you go for restaurants or shops.
I'm not afraid to hit up places like TJ Maxx for shoes, clothes, even my pots and pans. It's also a great place to pick up small gifts like cook books, picture frames, kitchen gadgets, or even a bathrobe and pajama set or a kitchen apron.
This post kind of came out of left field but I knew I needed to write about something and this ended up being it.
If not, at least you killed a few minutes of your work day. Or not..because it's Saturday.
Over the years I've learned when to spend the money and when to skip it. I've learned a few tricks that maybe can help someone out somehow. Not sure why this is on my mind today. Probably because I'm broke as hell, stressed as hell, and want to spend lots of money. Which is how I usually deal with being broke and stressed.
Things I think you should never buy on the cheap:
Shoes
Bed linens
Jeans
Furniture
Toilet paper
Perfume
I'm not saying to always pay full price for those things. I'm a HUGE fan of getting deals on normally expensive things. Black Friday is the perfect day for scoring on the bed linens and jeans..maybe even the furniture. The best deals I ever found on Black Friday was a dishwasher, a convection microwave, and 1200 thread count sheet sets. It worked out to be able to save for those because I knew we'd end up finding deals and wouldn't have to wrestle the crowds because they're not common Christmas shopping things. All of those were under $100 each. DSW has the best clearance racks for shoes...combine that 70% off price tag with one of their $5 or $10 off coupons and you're walking out with a $150 pair of shoes for $8.
Just about everything else is fair game. I know some would argue the furniture bit there but after 3 kids, 16 years, and countless sofas, dining room tables, and recliners I've learned my lesson. There really IS a difference between a $250 sofa and an $1800 one. It's about 8 years and 2 kids worth of difference....and still going. Spend the money. You'll thank yourself, unless you're one of those people that has to buy new stuff every year. In that case just hit up IKEA.
I love Suave shampoos and conditioners, I've used the Biolage, Paul Mitchell, you name it. The Suave really does work just as well. Instead of the expensive hair oils I use Burts Bees Baby Bee Almond Oil. I buy Target brand body wash, unless my favorite Coconut SoftScrub is on sale. I've used Aussie Sprunch spray since 6th grade. It's changed a bit but I can't seem to give it up and it's still under $3 a bottle. My favorite eye liner of all time is still the $.93 long stick Wet n Wild. I can't get enough of the NYC $1.50 lipgloss. I can deal with regular baby lotion instead of the fancy pants stuff. Now Johnson and Johnson has a few different scents like Cocoa and Shea Butter, Country Apple, and Lavender. Nothing high end but it gets the job done. Cheap nailpolish is my obsession. I actually like doing my own nails at home with a cocktail and an epsom salt soak.
What I really have the most fun with is planning vacations on a budget. It's a challenge I take very seriously. My biggest secret is VRBO. I guess I can't really call it a secret, I think I tell everyone I know about it. It's how I got a 5 bedroom, 5 bath house with its own pool and hot tub for $1100 for 8 days. It's how I went to Hawaii, twice, for $85 a day. I love it, I really can't get enough. If you're planning a trip for three nights or longer it's a must. You always have a fully stocked kitchen so you can save even more by making your own meals. Not a fantastic idea but hey..if you want to afford to go to Hawaii or the likes, you make concessions. I wanted the Hawaiian food experience so instead of restaurants or eateries (we still went to a few) we hit the local farmers market or food stands and cooked with all the local fare. I think I have more fun than should be allowed searching for the perfect place when we decide to go somewhere. Searching for free or cheap activities. Look for local Groupons before you go for restaurants or shops.
I'm not afraid to hit up places like TJ Maxx for shoes, clothes, even my pots and pans. It's also a great place to pick up small gifts like cook books, picture frames, kitchen gadgets, or even a bathrobe and pajama set or a kitchen apron.
This post kind of came out of left field but I knew I needed to write about something and this ended up being it.
If not, at least you killed a few minutes of your work day. Or not..because it's Saturday.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Insomnia
I just want to say that I'm a normal person. I think. I think I'm a normal person.
I think normal people have insomnia. I'm not sure if it's because I work nights or because I have a brain that refuses to shut off. It could be a bit of both. I don't know, I don't even know if I care. What I do know is that I'm tired. I'm tired of not being able to sleep. The fact that I am exhausted when I drive home in the morning, even having to put my cell phone down because I'm too tired to hold it to my ear and talk to the person that is trying to keep me awake...that's how tired I am.
I'll finally crawl into my cloud like heaven and then my brain seems to go into overdrive. I am relaxed, I'm ready to float off into dreams of cupcakes, folded laundry, and well behaving kids that don't fight. It's almost as if that relaxation opens the flood gates to my mind.
All of a sudden there's an avalanche of thoughts about whether or not I rememered to log out of my computer at work. Did I water the dog? Do we need milk? I think the kitchen is starting to stink, why do I think it's doing that? When did I do laundry last, do I have clean underwear for work tonight, when was the last time the kids showered, do they stink..maybe that's what the smell in the kitchen was...Avery was standing right there.
It doesn't stop, it goes faster until it's literally five thoughts at once and they get jumbled and then I begin to wonder if I'm going crazy.
If you think I haven't tried or heard everything that is supposed to help me, you are very wrong. Okay. I lied, I haven't tried straight up exercise. I'm too fucking tired to do lunges and run a mile when I get home after a 12 and a half hour shift and then drive another hour to get here.
I'm hoping writing will help. Writing about anything really. Obviously tonight it's the insomnia itself.
Maybe if I get some of these thoughts out of my brain they can stop floating around and give me some peace.
I'll do the drugs if I need to, but the last time I did that I ended up folding laundry while naked and somehow found some Taco Bell cinnamon twists to feed to my dog. At least I didn't drive anywhere, I don't think.
I'll do them again if I have to, even though things get weird I still sleep great and actually wake up alert. I can fix a bowl of cereal and not forget where we put the spoons.
We'll see how this goes.
I think normal people have insomnia. I'm not sure if it's because I work nights or because I have a brain that refuses to shut off. It could be a bit of both. I don't know, I don't even know if I care. What I do know is that I'm tired. I'm tired of not being able to sleep. The fact that I am exhausted when I drive home in the morning, even having to put my cell phone down because I'm too tired to hold it to my ear and talk to the person that is trying to keep me awake...that's how tired I am.
I'll finally crawl into my cloud like heaven and then my brain seems to go into overdrive. I am relaxed, I'm ready to float off into dreams of cupcakes, folded laundry, and well behaving kids that don't fight. It's almost as if that relaxation opens the flood gates to my mind.
All of a sudden there's an avalanche of thoughts about whether or not I rememered to log out of my computer at work. Did I water the dog? Do we need milk? I think the kitchen is starting to stink, why do I think it's doing that? When did I do laundry last, do I have clean underwear for work tonight, when was the last time the kids showered, do they stink..maybe that's what the smell in the kitchen was...Avery was standing right there.
It doesn't stop, it goes faster until it's literally five thoughts at once and they get jumbled and then I begin to wonder if I'm going crazy.
If you think I haven't tried or heard everything that is supposed to help me, you are very wrong. Okay. I lied, I haven't tried straight up exercise. I'm too fucking tired to do lunges and run a mile when I get home after a 12 and a half hour shift and then drive another hour to get here.
I'm hoping writing will help. Writing about anything really. Obviously tonight it's the insomnia itself.
Maybe if I get some of these thoughts out of my brain they can stop floating around and give me some peace.
I'll do the drugs if I need to, but the last time I did that I ended up folding laundry while naked and somehow found some Taco Bell cinnamon twists to feed to my dog. At least I didn't drive anywhere, I don't think.
I'll do them again if I have to, even though things get weird I still sleep great and actually wake up alert. I can fix a bowl of cereal and not forget where we put the spoons.
We'll see how this goes.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Small Successes
I love them. I love the small steps. I think I like them more than a bunch of big successes because you tend to get wrapped up in those, caught up in the moment of them. The little ones are the under dogs, the silent heroes. The little ones give you the motivation to keep going without distracting you from the big picture while still giving you that feeling.
We actually completed our third goal ahead of our second. Not by much, but Hey..I'll take what I can get, when I can get it.
We paid off a student loan! Should I say it louder?
WE PAID OFF A STUDENT LOAN!!!
I just want to say that I hate those fucking things. They hang over your head from the minute you graduate, quite possibly until the day you die...if you have a graduate or PhD. I don't. My husband doesn't, but we have quite a bit in student loan debt, you would've thought one of us did. I am glad to say that three of them are fairly low balances. Well, now two. We did just pay one off. Can't forget that.
FINALLY! One step that will actually make a bigger difference. No more $100 a month going out for that one..we can apply it to another and get that one paid off early as well. You wouldn't think $100 a month is a lot. I'm here to tell you that there were many, many times that $100 could've kept us above water.
I can't even say how happy I am now that we have all of our spending under control and all of our bills up to date..and are even making progress at paying them off.
Yes, I work harder. I work a LOT more days...it makes me grumpy sometimes.
But...
I sleep better, I even woke up with a smile on my face the other day. I honestly don't remember when, or if, that has ever happened before.
I laugh more. I'm not under this horrible weight that is constantly crawling around on my back and using it's long, spindly fingers to grasp onto my brain and hold tight. Always there, always biting and growling at me. Keeping me awake when I should be sleeping, keeping me down when I should be enjoying my family.
The kids don't see it yet but they will. They will when I'm able to just drop everything this summer and go buy them something just for the hell of it. I will too. I'll go get them something frivolous and fun...and reasonably priced, but still fun. They've helped and sacrificed for this as well. The deserve to see it..and since I don't give my kids access to my bank account, they'll have to settle for something a little more materialistic. I have a feeling they won't mind.
This small success showed my husband that even though we STILL don't have any money in the bank, it's not because we've blown it and need to find more. It's because we've made progress and are seeing a difference. He was having a hard time seeing the results, seeing that things really have changed.
Thank goodness for small successes. This will have me floating on cloud 9 until we hit the next one. Soon.
We actually completed our third goal ahead of our second. Not by much, but Hey..I'll take what I can get, when I can get it.
We paid off a student loan! Should I say it louder?
WE PAID OFF A STUDENT LOAN!!!
I just want to say that I hate those fucking things. They hang over your head from the minute you graduate, quite possibly until the day you die...if you have a graduate or PhD. I don't. My husband doesn't, but we have quite a bit in student loan debt, you would've thought one of us did. I am glad to say that three of them are fairly low balances. Well, now two. We did just pay one off. Can't forget that.
FINALLY! One step that will actually make a bigger difference. No more $100 a month going out for that one..we can apply it to another and get that one paid off early as well. You wouldn't think $100 a month is a lot. I'm here to tell you that there were many, many times that $100 could've kept us above water.
I can't even say how happy I am now that we have all of our spending under control and all of our bills up to date..and are even making progress at paying them off.
Yes, I work harder. I work a LOT more days...it makes me grumpy sometimes.
But...
I sleep better, I even woke up with a smile on my face the other day. I honestly don't remember when, or if, that has ever happened before.
I laugh more. I'm not under this horrible weight that is constantly crawling around on my back and using it's long, spindly fingers to grasp onto my brain and hold tight. Always there, always biting and growling at me. Keeping me awake when I should be sleeping, keeping me down when I should be enjoying my family.
The kids don't see it yet but they will. They will when I'm able to just drop everything this summer and go buy them something just for the hell of it. I will too. I'll go get them something frivolous and fun...and reasonably priced, but still fun. They've helped and sacrificed for this as well. The deserve to see it..and since I don't give my kids access to my bank account, they'll have to settle for something a little more materialistic. I have a feeling they won't mind.
This small success showed my husband that even though we STILL don't have any money in the bank, it's not because we've blown it and need to find more. It's because we've made progress and are seeing a difference. He was having a hard time seeing the results, seeing that things really have changed.
Thank goodness for small successes. This will have me floating on cloud 9 until we hit the next one. Soon.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I'll Bite
Lately I've been seeing a lot of things being said about reverse bucket lists. I'm not even going to explain what they are because I know that all four people that read this blog already know.
I'm going to bite, I'm going to go through my own list.
Here it goes.
I don't see any of my experiences in life as bad, I think they've all helped me to be a better person, to understand what it's like to go through great times...and not so great times.
I look forward to adding many more things to this list and how much fun it will be and the memories that will go with each addition.
I'm going to bite, I'm going to go through my own list.
Here it goes.
- I've had three children
- I still love those three children (no, this is not always a guarantee) and love raising them.
- I've been married...twice.
- I've been divorced once.
- I've owned a home.
- I've lost a home.
- I've been bankrupt
- I've struggled daily to put food on the table for my family.
- I've helped others in need
- I've been at the top as well as at the bottom
- I have a job I enjoy...most days.
- I've been to Hawaii...twice.
- I've been to Chicago, Washington DC, Boston, Maine, Florida...each place means something to me.
- I have a college degree...not a major one, but I did work my ass off for it.
- I've renovated a home with my husband...and we're still married.
- I've worked a ton of really fun jobs and met some fantastic people in the process.
- I not only learned how to work the internet, I've met the most amazing people through it that have become almost like family to me.
I don't see any of my experiences in life as bad, I think they've all helped me to be a better person, to understand what it's like to go through great times...and not so great times.
I look forward to adding many more things to this list and how much fun it will be and the memories that will go with each addition.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Freedom
So..I just need to get this all out, our small successes. My musings. My excitement.
I will be the first in line to shout it from a mountain top. Budgets are hard. It's even harder to live within the perimeter that you set for yourself. Did you know that?
I'm not sure if anyone has ever heard the Shania Twain song called KaChing? It's the truth of my life. Why is it so hard for people to live within their means? This country was started by people that had no means in which to live. They came with the clothes on their backs and not much else..very little money the majority of them, I'm sure. Where did we get this behavior from? Where is it ingrained into our brains that more is better and less is bad? That he who has the biggest house and most expensive car wins? I think he (she) who can sit down with their family for dinner every day and sleep soundly at night and carelessly play games with their kids wins. The one that is actually present every day.
It's nerve wracking and stressful when you have to spend time everyday pouring over your finances or always having to leave to go to work. Everyone is scattered because stress is the mainstay in your life, no one wants to be around anyone else. Money, in my opinion is both the root of all evil and the wonderful thing that keeps this world spinning round. It really does make or break you.
My ex husband is life long friends with a successful major league baseball player. We used to go a few times a year to their hometown to visit them. My ex would go play golf or whatever it is they did. His wife and I would always go have a nice quiet lunch together and just talk. We really didn't have anything in common. She grew up with money, she never knew what it was to struggle for even a day. Her parents bought her first car....a shiny new mustang (the the rage back in the early 90's), they built their house with cash, paid cash for the land. When I first met her she was a typical spoiled little rich girl. She did what she wanted, when she wanted, no matter the cost.
Then one visit when we sat down for lunch...we actually talked. She asked me about having kids and staying home with them. What did I go through in a day, what did I do with my time? She wasn't mocking or judgmental, she was curious and interested. After lunch we went back to their house to wait for the guys to get back. We still had hours. We talked and talked. I found out she had finally grown up. It was one statement that made me realize it. Even though I haven't talked to her in damn near ten years, I will never forget what she said to me that day when we talked about the differences between our lives. She said it took her a very long time to realize how very lucky she was. She was lucky she had no debt to hold her back, she was lucky to have money in the bank to do things she liked because she knows many people that don't...she was lucky to be able to lay her head down at night and fall right to sleep because she never learned what it was to stress about bills or money or anything like that. Her house was paid for. Her car was paid for. Law school was paid for. She was lucky to be able to just spend time with her family, she could eat dinner and have real conversations and take them places and no one worried. I want that. I want that kind of freedom in my life.
I think when this is all over...starting next year I'm going to implement a little thing I'm going to call Dump Day. We're going to dump life for a day. One random day we're going to call into work, the kids are going to skip school and we're just going to go do something fun. Go make pottery, go to the zoo, hit the beach, go shopping, take in a movie. Just because we can. I know some people think attendance in school and at work is one of the most important things for kids to learn. I think learning that your family comes before work and school is important. Not that I don't value education because I do, but I don't see anything wrong with playing hookey for one day from life. I look forward to this treat. My time with my kids is limited, they're going to be all grown up soon and my chances to hang with them for a day will drastically dwindle to holidays. I will never be able to live like she did, that baseball players wife. I know the struggles of having no money, not knowing if I was going to be able to keep the lights on or have enough gas in my car to drive to work..and if I didn't if I had enough vacation time banked to call in or was I going to have to take it unpaid. Those experiences make me who I am. I'm comfortable with that. I use all of my past life lessons to direct my futures path. At least I try to.
I am so happy to report that at this point we hit our very first goal that we had set for ourselves, we are on our way to making that a reality. We paid off ALL of our past due and back debt. ALL OF IT. Because you don't live in my bank account you cannot know how fantastic or how amazingly hard that shit was or how far we had to go. I think it was harder than labor..but then again I don't remember much of labor so I could be lying but you get my point. We did this in 30 days. Imagine what we can do in 365.
I busted my ass to make it happen. WE busted our asses. We all helped. Well...Aiana didn't help much, she didn't want to abide by the water and room heater rules (she likes to keep her room at a balmy cool 99 degrees at all times) so we had to take her heater away and she gets a prompt pounding on the door when her shower is approaching the half hour mark. Such is life. She's 15, she's going to hate us no matter what so we can use that to our advantage.
I can't even express in words how exciting this is for me and how excited it makes me to continue on. I'm finding I can actually sleep at night...day...whatever. I'm not dwelling over what needs to be paid that week, what bills I get to choose between and what can be pushed off, what turn off notice do I need to deal with this week. It's...it's...pressure relieving. It's that big sigh that just makes you feel like you've lost twenty pounds. I love this feeling. This feeling is what's going to get me through the rest of the year.
We are off and running towards our second goal now. To build savings. I think we should be able to hit that goal early but I know there are a few hurdles in our way this time around. We have two cars that need brakes, we need a new shower in one of the bathrooms, and I think we're going to need engine work on the older car. If I can stay on top of it we should be able to work each of those things into the budget, but it's also tax season.
Tax season scares me like nothing else. It's like a guessing game. Do we have to pay in? Do we get money back? Why, oh WHY do we always owe so much city tax?? I don't get it. I probably never will. Oh well..not a damn thing we can do about it except make it through and deal with it again next year. It's what will determine if we hit our goal early, on time, or push us behind.
All that said I'm hopeful and very optimistic that we'll hit our second goal early. I just need to keep busting my hump like I've been doing and eventually it will pay off. We made it through January, right? Only eleven more months to go.
Only 332 more days to go until our goal of knowing absolute freedom.
I will be the first in line to shout it from a mountain top. Budgets are hard. It's even harder to live within the perimeter that you set for yourself. Did you know that?
I'm not sure if anyone has ever heard the Shania Twain song called KaChing? It's the truth of my life. Why is it so hard for people to live within their means? This country was started by people that had no means in which to live. They came with the clothes on their backs and not much else..very little money the majority of them, I'm sure. Where did we get this behavior from? Where is it ingrained into our brains that more is better and less is bad? That he who has the biggest house and most expensive car wins? I think he (she) who can sit down with their family for dinner every day and sleep soundly at night and carelessly play games with their kids wins. The one that is actually present every day.
It's nerve wracking and stressful when you have to spend time everyday pouring over your finances or always having to leave to go to work. Everyone is scattered because stress is the mainstay in your life, no one wants to be around anyone else. Money, in my opinion is both the root of all evil and the wonderful thing that keeps this world spinning round. It really does make or break you.
My ex husband is life long friends with a successful major league baseball player. We used to go a few times a year to their hometown to visit them. My ex would go play golf or whatever it is they did. His wife and I would always go have a nice quiet lunch together and just talk. We really didn't have anything in common. She grew up with money, she never knew what it was to struggle for even a day. Her parents bought her first car....a shiny new mustang (the the rage back in the early 90's), they built their house with cash, paid cash for the land. When I first met her she was a typical spoiled little rich girl. She did what she wanted, when she wanted, no matter the cost.
Then one visit when we sat down for lunch...we actually talked. She asked me about having kids and staying home with them. What did I go through in a day, what did I do with my time? She wasn't mocking or judgmental, she was curious and interested. After lunch we went back to their house to wait for the guys to get back. We still had hours. We talked and talked. I found out she had finally grown up. It was one statement that made me realize it. Even though I haven't talked to her in damn near ten years, I will never forget what she said to me that day when we talked about the differences between our lives. She said it took her a very long time to realize how very lucky she was. She was lucky she had no debt to hold her back, she was lucky to have money in the bank to do things she liked because she knows many people that don't...she was lucky to be able to lay her head down at night and fall right to sleep because she never learned what it was to stress about bills or money or anything like that. Her house was paid for. Her car was paid for. Law school was paid for. She was lucky to be able to just spend time with her family, she could eat dinner and have real conversations and take them places and no one worried. I want that. I want that kind of freedom in my life.
I think when this is all over...starting next year I'm going to implement a little thing I'm going to call Dump Day. We're going to dump life for a day. One random day we're going to call into work, the kids are going to skip school and we're just going to go do something fun. Go make pottery, go to the zoo, hit the beach, go shopping, take in a movie. Just because we can. I know some people think attendance in school and at work is one of the most important things for kids to learn. I think learning that your family comes before work and school is important. Not that I don't value education because I do, but I don't see anything wrong with playing hookey for one day from life. I look forward to this treat. My time with my kids is limited, they're going to be all grown up soon and my chances to hang with them for a day will drastically dwindle to holidays. I will never be able to live like she did, that baseball players wife. I know the struggles of having no money, not knowing if I was going to be able to keep the lights on or have enough gas in my car to drive to work..and if I didn't if I had enough vacation time banked to call in or was I going to have to take it unpaid. Those experiences make me who I am. I'm comfortable with that. I use all of my past life lessons to direct my futures path. At least I try to.
I am so happy to report that at this point we hit our very first goal that we had set for ourselves, we are on our way to making that a reality. We paid off ALL of our past due and back debt. ALL OF IT. Because you don't live in my bank account you cannot know how fantastic or how amazingly hard that shit was or how far we had to go. I think it was harder than labor..but then again I don't remember much of labor so I could be lying but you get my point. We did this in 30 days. Imagine what we can do in 365.
I busted my ass to make it happen. WE busted our asses. We all helped. Well...Aiana didn't help much, she didn't want to abide by the water and room heater rules (she likes to keep her room at a balmy cool 99 degrees at all times) so we had to take her heater away and she gets a prompt pounding on the door when her shower is approaching the half hour mark. Such is life. She's 15, she's going to hate us no matter what so we can use that to our advantage.
I can't even express in words how exciting this is for me and how excited it makes me to continue on. I'm finding I can actually sleep at night...day...whatever. I'm not dwelling over what needs to be paid that week, what bills I get to choose between and what can be pushed off, what turn off notice do I need to deal with this week. It's...it's...pressure relieving. It's that big sigh that just makes you feel like you've lost twenty pounds. I love this feeling. This feeling is what's going to get me through the rest of the year.
We are off and running towards our second goal now. To build savings. I think we should be able to hit that goal early but I know there are a few hurdles in our way this time around. We have two cars that need brakes, we need a new shower in one of the bathrooms, and I think we're going to need engine work on the older car. If I can stay on top of it we should be able to work each of those things into the budget, but it's also tax season.
Tax season scares me like nothing else. It's like a guessing game. Do we have to pay in? Do we get money back? Why, oh WHY do we always owe so much city tax?? I don't get it. I probably never will. Oh well..not a damn thing we can do about it except make it through and deal with it again next year. It's what will determine if we hit our goal early, on time, or push us behind.
All that said I'm hopeful and very optimistic that we'll hit our second goal early. I just need to keep busting my hump like I've been doing and eventually it will pay off. We made it through January, right? Only eleven more months to go.
Only 332 more days to go until our goal of knowing absolute freedom.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Serenity
You would think my life would be anything but serene right now. My kids are always at each others throats, my house is a total disaster, I've been working a LOT of hours every week (I think I even forgot I had kids this week), and I don't think I've spent more than five minutes with my husband in almost a month.
It's serene because I'm seeing progress. I'm seeing a LOT of progress. We've managed to unbury ourselves from the biggest pile of past due bills I think I've ever seen. It's serene because, for now, I'm still in a happy place when I get called in for some extra hours. I've hit my goal of overtime days for January and then some. I know a ton more is headed my way for February. It's my hope that I can just bust my ass now, just for a few months and then I can ride out the summer enjoying my time at home, with my family.
I've had bumps. Most people would think I was effing insane by what I consider bumps but a bump is a bump. It's still really hard to figure this stuff out but we're plugging along.
I've realized that I had a shopping addiction. I still have a shopping addiction. Thank Goodness for Pinterest and Target lists. I can feel like I'm shopping in a way. Find super cute things, fall for them, place them in the appropriate list and move on. I'll get there. Nick and I went on a date tonight. Do you want to know what broke ass people do for dates? We went for me to get the worst $10 haircut known to man and then walked around a little strip mall right next door..sporting my terrible haircut. We walked around Target. Have any of you been there?! Have you seen ALL of their spring stuff?!! It's amazing and it's beautiful and I want it. I want it all. I was saying just that to Nick as I was looking for new couch pillows to go with the new furniture that I plan to buy next year.
Then the most amazing thing happend. Nick looked at me and he said, "soon. You'll be able to buy whatever you want soon."
Now you don't know my husband at all but normally he just walks quietly with me talking about work or video games or the kids or not saying anything at all. He was very hard to convince about this Total Money Makeover. Even though he's been through it with me once before, he was a skeptic. What those words meant to me was...I've turned him into a believer. He actually believes we're going to make it, we're going to hit all of our goals and get out of this huge ass mess we've gotten ourselves into. He's finally, 100% on board with all of it and he sees that our sacrifices ARE making a difference!
That's when I realized how serene I am about the whole thing, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, giving up my shopping addiction.
I walked right out of that store with a huge ass smile on my face...and didn't buy a damn thing.
It's serene because I'm seeing progress. I'm seeing a LOT of progress. We've managed to unbury ourselves from the biggest pile of past due bills I think I've ever seen. It's serene because, for now, I'm still in a happy place when I get called in for some extra hours. I've hit my goal of overtime days for January and then some. I know a ton more is headed my way for February. It's my hope that I can just bust my ass now, just for a few months and then I can ride out the summer enjoying my time at home, with my family.
I've had bumps. Most people would think I was effing insane by what I consider bumps but a bump is a bump. It's still really hard to figure this stuff out but we're plugging along.
I've realized that I had a shopping addiction. I still have a shopping addiction. Thank Goodness for Pinterest and Target lists. I can feel like I'm shopping in a way. Find super cute things, fall for them, place them in the appropriate list and move on. I'll get there. Nick and I went on a date tonight. Do you want to know what broke ass people do for dates? We went for me to get the worst $10 haircut known to man and then walked around a little strip mall right next door..sporting my terrible haircut. We walked around Target. Have any of you been there?! Have you seen ALL of their spring stuff?!! It's amazing and it's beautiful and I want it. I want it all. I was saying just that to Nick as I was looking for new couch pillows to go with the new furniture that I plan to buy next year.
Then the most amazing thing happend. Nick looked at me and he said, "soon. You'll be able to buy whatever you want soon."
Now you don't know my husband at all but normally he just walks quietly with me talking about work or video games or the kids or not saying anything at all. He was very hard to convince about this Total Money Makeover. Even though he's been through it with me once before, he was a skeptic. What those words meant to me was...I've turned him into a believer. He actually believes we're going to make it, we're going to hit all of our goals and get out of this huge ass mess we've gotten ourselves into. He's finally, 100% on board with all of it and he sees that our sacrifices ARE making a difference!
That's when I realized how serene I am about the whole thing, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, giving up my shopping addiction.
I walked right out of that store with a huge ass smile on my face...and didn't buy a damn thing.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Daydreams
We all have them. We all do it. Something reminds you of something else and before you know it you're staring glassy eyed at a pencil but all you're seeing is the Eiffel Tower or that pair of Louboutins.
I'm so sleepy lately that all I seem to do is daydream. I'll daydream about hiking around Slovenia while cooking dinner. I'll daydream about sunbathing on a beach while I'm folding laundry.
Lately I've been daydreaming about my forever home. I hope I can go home to my forever home some day soon. I would love to build from scratch but I'm sure if I looked hard enough I would find one standing somewhere that would need minor changes.
Hell, I don't even know where I want to end up. I've had my eye on the Smoky Mountains for awhile now but I think I should visit before I decide to live there forever. Who knows, maybe my heart will really be in New Mexico...or Montana...or in Boston...or on a beach in Florida. Maybe I should just invest in one of those high tech ultra luxe RV's.
I'm hoping you didn't show up at this blog today for anything deep or profound. If so I apologize. I'm still getting back into it and maybe someday I'll have something great to say that can resonate with the world.
Today just isn't that day.
I'm too busy trying not to turn into a cryogenic sample on my couch under these three blankets...and letting my mind take me places like Hawaii, Mexico, or Italy.....or even to the shoe store up the road...or even better, a new super capacity washer and dryer. Man, now I'm getting excited.
So on these cold, winter nights...let your mind go for a spin somewhere nice, or to the local appliance store. It's' nice to just daydream every once in awhile.
I'm so sleepy lately that all I seem to do is daydream. I'll daydream about hiking around Slovenia while cooking dinner. I'll daydream about sunbathing on a beach while I'm folding laundry.
Lately I've been daydreaming about my forever home. I hope I can go home to my forever home some day soon. I would love to build from scratch but I'm sure if I looked hard enough I would find one standing somewhere that would need minor changes.
Hell, I don't even know where I want to end up. I've had my eye on the Smoky Mountains for awhile now but I think I should visit before I decide to live there forever. Who knows, maybe my heart will really be in New Mexico...or Montana...or in Boston...or on a beach in Florida. Maybe I should just invest in one of those high tech ultra luxe RV's.
I'm hoping you didn't show up at this blog today for anything deep or profound. If so I apologize. I'm still getting back into it and maybe someday I'll have something great to say that can resonate with the world.
Today just isn't that day.
I'm too busy trying not to turn into a cryogenic sample on my couch under these three blankets...and letting my mind take me places like Hawaii, Mexico, or Italy.....or even to the shoe store up the road...or even better, a new super capacity washer and dryer. Man, now I'm getting excited.
So on these cold, winter nights...let your mind go for a spin somewhere nice, or to the local appliance store. It's' nice to just daydream every once in awhile.
Friday, January 13, 2012
$15.98
I relapsed. It happened today, and it happened so fast I don't really recall what I was doing until I was racing home to revel in my loot. All fifteen dollars and ninety eight cents worth.
I made a run to Wal-Mart and came home with chocolate cake and paint rollers. Did I need them? Well I sure as hell thought I did while I was there and forgot all about our budget. I went for a toothbrush and deodorant for Nick. Can't have the man stinking like dirty man B.O now can we? Can we? Damn..I was hoping I would get a resounding yes and then I could return the deodorant and get my four bucks back.
What? It was a twin pack and a better deal than a single one. I know you were wondering who the hell spends $4 on deodorant when they're on budget lockdown. I would've been.
I got home. Made the cake. Ate a piece..or two...or four and then it started to sink in. I slipped. I relapsed. It's like a drug, spending money. It's a nasty addiction because it can be big like furniture and vacations or it can be small..like paint rollers and chocolate cake. Budget relapse can happen in all kinds of sizes.
If I forget for even a second then I fall back into those old ways that I've spend thirty some years perfecting. I felt even more guilty when I sat down tonight to pay the bills and realized that I came up $280 short of my goal. Which is good and it's bad. It's bad because..well..I missed our goal by $280. That's not chump change either. It's a decent amount. I could take a nice weekend trip somewhere for that amount. It's good because we started so far under on the bills AND $200 in the hole. I still have a chance to make it up.
Do I think I will by the end of the month. No. I might like to daydream a lot but deep down I'm a realist. I'm hella behind on one of our car payments and that's getting taken care of next week (that's what I've been busting my ass for with all that overtime) and then the week after that is our dreaded mortgage week...or Shark Week. That week has always been tight for us because it's such a large payment that we don't have a ton left over once we pay that..and the house insurance..and taxes...blah, blah, blah. That's the week the sharks circle the sinking boat. Just waiting.
If you haven't noticed..the American Dream is friggin expensive. It costs a lot of money to live in debt like we do.
Anyway. I just paid a buttload of bills. I have a case of dry mouth over it and I can feel the beginnings of diarrhea rumbling around because I just dropped a bunch of cash on stupid bills. Who likes to pay those anyway? I don't. I hate it. Which is why I'm doing it.
Can we say vicious cycle? I know if I keep on it, if I stay on this bike and keep peddling my fat ass off, eventually I'm going to reach my destination. Then I can hop off this rusted piece of crap and be able to pay cash for a nice little golf cart to drive my skinny ass all the way to retirement.
Hopefully I won't relapse again. Chocolate cake can be like meth when you tell yourself you can't afford it. I never thought $15.98 would make me feel so damn guilty. So guilty I might need to eat some cake.
Hey..I have some of that.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Freedom
That's my goal.
I want us to be financially free. It already feels like it would be an amazing thing.
Over the holidays we found out that we'd basically been living a lie. Neither of us had any real idea. I mean I know we lived paycheck to paycheck (still trying to figure out how that one happened) and never had more then just a little in savings. Then it all came crashing down.
It got a little harder to pay the bills.
Then the dog got sick.
Then I was hell bent on giving my kids a good Christmas...and went over what I had budgeted to spend.
We ended the year so far under that it physically made me sick. Then I decided I was sick of it. I'm sick of the weekly battle between which bills can be paid and which can be floated just so we can eat or get gas. There is absolutely zero reason for it.
I started selling all my stuff to get started. I sold my beloved camera. I tried telling myself that it was logical since I hardly ever used it...but I'm going to be honest. It still hurts. I want it back. I will get it back. Just as soon as we get out of this canyon we're in.
One night I sat down with every single piece of paper having to do with a bill that was in my possession. I relied on the Dave Ramsey plan in the past...twice, it's NEVER let me down. It was never as hard as it is this time. This time we're in for the long haul. I figured out an eighteen month plan, the first twelve of which are what I'm referring to as budget lockdown.
It's these first twelve months that we're going to have to re teach ourselves what is important and how to spend smartly. It's only twelve days in and I'm frustrated. Not because we don't have a ton of money to spend, we're all actually having fun finding places to save. I'm frustrated because I'm learning that it's damn near impossible to eat healthy on a strict budget. Did I mention that I'm fat? I'm fat. I don't like being fat anymore than I like being broke.
At least I'll be able to afford a gym membership when this is all over, right?
So far I'm hopeful. The first two weeks of this year were pure torture. This week will hopefully be our first week of seeing some results. I want to be able to show the kids that all of our "sacrifice" is working. I say it like that because my kids think of giving up Pop Tarts because of budget is the worst offense in the world..it ranks right up there with child abuse.
I do have to say that I'm excited that my kids are on this journey with us, I want them to learn to live within their means and what it will do for them in the long run.
We decided as a family that we will reward ourselves with a nice trip when this is all over. I can't wait. It's going to be such a blast to be successful in this and be able to let the kids in on reaping the benefits. Going on a family vacation that's massive in scale, being able to buy Pop Tarts again, being able to sleep because I'm not so worried about a turn off notice for the lights and what if I miss the deadline.
It's the first time in my life that I actually get excited to get a phone call to go into work for some overtime because every time I'm driving there..it's with a smile on my face. It's the means to the end, I'm working for something and that's not just paying the bills. I've also applied to about a dozen other jobs. I have my days free, the kids are in school and my regular hours only require three nights a week. I can handle a second job for a few hours a day. If I knew anyone around me with little kids I'd start babysitting...I'd do anything...I CAN do anything for a year.
'
That's why I'm an Atomic Mom.
I want us to be financially free. It already feels like it would be an amazing thing.
Over the holidays we found out that we'd basically been living a lie. Neither of us had any real idea. I mean I know we lived paycheck to paycheck (still trying to figure out how that one happened) and never had more then just a little in savings. Then it all came crashing down.
It got a little harder to pay the bills.
Then the dog got sick.
Then I was hell bent on giving my kids a good Christmas...and went over what I had budgeted to spend.
We ended the year so far under that it physically made me sick. Then I decided I was sick of it. I'm sick of the weekly battle between which bills can be paid and which can be floated just so we can eat or get gas. There is absolutely zero reason for it.
I started selling all my stuff to get started. I sold my beloved camera. I tried telling myself that it was logical since I hardly ever used it...but I'm going to be honest. It still hurts. I want it back. I will get it back. Just as soon as we get out of this canyon we're in.
One night I sat down with every single piece of paper having to do with a bill that was in my possession. I relied on the Dave Ramsey plan in the past...twice, it's NEVER let me down. It was never as hard as it is this time. This time we're in for the long haul. I figured out an eighteen month plan, the first twelve of which are what I'm referring to as budget lockdown.
It's these first twelve months that we're going to have to re teach ourselves what is important and how to spend smartly. It's only twelve days in and I'm frustrated. Not because we don't have a ton of money to spend, we're all actually having fun finding places to save. I'm frustrated because I'm learning that it's damn near impossible to eat healthy on a strict budget. Did I mention that I'm fat? I'm fat. I don't like being fat anymore than I like being broke.
At least I'll be able to afford a gym membership when this is all over, right?
So far I'm hopeful. The first two weeks of this year were pure torture. This week will hopefully be our first week of seeing some results. I want to be able to show the kids that all of our "sacrifice" is working. I say it like that because my kids think of giving up Pop Tarts because of budget is the worst offense in the world..it ranks right up there with child abuse.
I do have to say that I'm excited that my kids are on this journey with us, I want them to learn to live within their means and what it will do for them in the long run.
We decided as a family that we will reward ourselves with a nice trip when this is all over. I can't wait. It's going to be such a blast to be successful in this and be able to let the kids in on reaping the benefits. Going on a family vacation that's massive in scale, being able to buy Pop Tarts again, being able to sleep because I'm not so worried about a turn off notice for the lights and what if I miss the deadline.
It's the first time in my life that I actually get excited to get a phone call to go into work for some overtime because every time I'm driving there..it's with a smile on my face. It's the means to the end, I'm working for something and that's not just paying the bills. I've also applied to about a dozen other jobs. I have my days free, the kids are in school and my regular hours only require three nights a week. I can handle a second job for a few hours a day. If I knew anyone around me with little kids I'd start babysitting...I'd do anything...I CAN do anything for a year.
'
That's why I'm an Atomic Mom.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Again
I'm going to try this again. I need to go back to the Atomic Mom title though. It was me. It is me.
This is going to be a year of many ups and downs and I really need a place to put them and share them and work though them.
I'm going to try it again. We've just started a Total Money Makeover. My goal is to be almost debt free by December 31st. I even have a countdown on my desktop.
I guess I wanted to stop in and say howdy...and as soon as I figure out how to get that title header off I'll be back.
This is going to be a year of many ups and downs and I really need a place to put them and share them and work though them.
I'm going to try it again. We've just started a Total Money Makeover. My goal is to be almost debt free by December 31st. I even have a countdown on my desktop.
I guess I wanted to stop in and say howdy...and as soon as I figure out how to get that title header off I'll be back.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Cupcake Fever
So the other day I was toddling along on the superhighway known as the internet and I came across this..
and it started.
There are people that see puppies and they get puppy fever. There are people that see babies and get the baby rabies.
I see a cupcake as beautiful as this...and I melt. I melt as bad as I want that cupcake to melt in my mouth. It got my heart racing, my mouth watering, and me on the fast track to the grocery store. I want cupcakes.
We'll see if I can get anything to turn out even half as good as I imagine that little concoction of sweet, sweet heaven is. Heaven knows I'm going to try.
and it started.
There are people that see puppies and they get puppy fever. There are people that see babies and get the baby rabies.
I see a cupcake as beautiful as this...and I melt. I melt as bad as I want that cupcake to melt in my mouth. It got my heart racing, my mouth watering, and me on the fast track to the grocery store. I want cupcakes.
We'll see if I can get anything to turn out even half as good as I imagine that little concoction of sweet, sweet heaven is. Heaven knows I'm going to try.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Resurrection
Oh my goodness. I've just let this go haven't I? Well now is the perfect time to resurrect it.
I've, of course, been in the biggest funk lately. I go through these ebbs and tides of good days and bad. I found that I actually missed it but then when I wanted to write something, I lost either my words or my nerve.
I've vowed to write almost every day, even if it's only just a few words. I know I can do it.
Here's to hoping there is a summer in store for me that's worth writing about!
I've, of course, been in the biggest funk lately. I go through these ebbs and tides of good days and bad. I found that I actually missed it but then when I wanted to write something, I lost either my words or my nerve.
I've vowed to write almost every day, even if it's only just a few words. I know I can do it.
Here's to hoping there is a summer in store for me that's worth writing about!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
What the hell have YOU done with your life?
Someone I love very much said this to me yesterday. We were talking about English, and the fact that this person is clueless and wouldn't be able to pass a junior high level paper assignment. It was thrown right out there right out of the blue, "I went to college and got a four year degree, what the hell have YOU done with your life?"
The gauntlet was thrown...I won't even mention that the degree referred to isn't anywhere near English and won't ever change the fact that they still suck at it.
At first I was shocked...then I was pissed. Man, was I pissed, I was vibrating I was so mad. Then I got to thinking....
What have I done with my life? You know what, I've done a hell of a lot.
I had a baby all by myself with the help of some amazing friends and a few family members.
I had two more babies.
I was married and divorced.
I was a stay at home mom.
I've taken my family on some fabulous trips.
I've taken myself on some fabulous trips. (Hellooo Hawaii...twice.)
Married again.
I've owned a home.
I've lost a home.
I've had a lot of really fun jobs and one really lame one.
I've met a LOT of amazing people along the way.
I crossed a major want off my bucket list when I saw the Smithsonian and Lincoln Memorial.
I actually DID get a college degree, a 2 year one, but a degree nonetheless.
I started over from scratch with only the support of two people, they believed in me and that was all I needed.
I lost my grandparents.
I've helped remodel a home with my bare hands...and we're almost done.
I've nursed sick or injured kids.
I love every second of it.
So..to answer that assholes question...I've lived. I wouldn't change a single second of it.
I should be asking them the same question.
The gauntlet was thrown...I won't even mention that the degree referred to isn't anywhere near English and won't ever change the fact that they still suck at it.
At first I was shocked...then I was pissed. Man, was I pissed, I was vibrating I was so mad. Then I got to thinking....
What have I done with my life? You know what, I've done a hell of a lot.
I had a baby all by myself with the help of some amazing friends and a few family members.
I had two more babies.
I was married and divorced.
I was a stay at home mom.
I've taken my family on some fabulous trips.
I've taken myself on some fabulous trips. (Hellooo Hawaii...twice.)
Married again.
I've owned a home.
I've lost a home.
I've had a lot of really fun jobs and one really lame one.
I've met a LOT of amazing people along the way.
I crossed a major want off my bucket list when I saw the Smithsonian and Lincoln Memorial.
I actually DID get a college degree, a 2 year one, but a degree nonetheless.
I started over from scratch with only the support of two people, they believed in me and that was all I needed.
I lost my grandparents.
I've helped remodel a home with my bare hands...and we're almost done.
I've nursed sick or injured kids.
I love every second of it.
So..to answer that assholes question...I've lived. I wouldn't change a single second of it.
I should be asking them the same question.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Snug as a bug in a rug...
I'm only one mom out of billions that says this at bedtime. I am sure of it.
This is not going to be a happy post. I have a lot on my mind due to some recent events and I have to get them out..it's the irrational motherly fear in me and if I don't let it loose it's just going to sit and fester like a wound.
Nick and I have these friends. We've always gotten together for dinners, lunches, a birthday party or two...we have standing Detroit Tiger game dates (this is all them..I'm the odd Boston man out).
These friends had a little boy right after Thanksgiving that they named Andrew. They hoped and prayed for him to come along for a while. They were as happy as they could be even though he had some heart issues. He had surgery and all was well, he was just waiting to come home. Instead of coming home he passed away unexpectedly.
I know this isn't about me in the least..but death does weird things to people..the death of a child will wreak havoc on your mental status if you don't work it out I'm finding.
As a person you think, oh..how terrible, I can't imagine, that's horrible. As a mother you wonder how are they getting out of bed in the mornings? How do they find the strength to even open their eyes? I have three kids and I can tell you that it's the most unreasonable and irrational thing...all three of them make me whole, but if I lost even one of them I would feel as if I'd lost everything. Mathematically, physically, scientifically..any way you look at it it makes no sense but it's no less true.
It is my worst fear realized...by people I know and love and that deserve nothing but happiness and bliss. I honestly can't even find words that come close to describing how sorry I am for them. In fact the words "I'm Sorry" feel and sound a pretty pathetic attempt.
They woke up that morning and had a world and lifetime of possibilities and joy ahead of them. Piles of laundry, countless late nights, mounds of dishes, hundreds of disagreements, dozens of birthdays and Christmases, thousands of snug as a bug in a rugs...and it was heaven. Okay, so it may not sound like heaven but trust me..I would never lead you wrong.
It was why they got up and made the trek to the hospital early in the morning and stayed until the wee hours of the night..or in the mother's case, why she never left. It was just that. That word. It's very powerful. She was finally a mother..and when she went to bed that night....
I can't even say it.
I know you never stop being a mother..but what do you call a mother that no longer has children? Your children define you...they are the reason you are called "mother" after all. It changes you, that word.
I think the second day could only be worse in one way. They had to wake up and realize it all over again.
I just had to get all this out...to work through it because they are constantly on my mind and probably will be for awhile. Andrew will be buried on Wednesday..in the midst of the world moving and flowing like nothing is wrong. People will get up and go to work or school...they'll cuss and swear and say how much they hate this and hate that. They'll rush here and there and yell for the kids to do their chores, homework. Somewhere a kid will think their parents are the biggest assholes on earth and maybe even wish they were never born. It will still be heaven.
These parents that should be celebrating his long anticipated arrival home will be putting him in the cold, hard ground instead. There will be no warm hugs...no snug as a bug in a rug.
I'll be spending the remainder of that day breathing in the scent of Aiana's obnoxious teenager perfume that I swear has permeated the walls in and around her bedroom..and smelling the warm coconutty smell of Aurora's hair while she reads me books that mostly annoy me. I'll be sending Avery a million and one "I love and miss you bunches!" texts and waiting for the reply that always comes.."I love and miss you more then bunches". Thanking the heavens above that they saw fit to bless me with three healthy kids and trying not to think too hard on the fact that I'm not sure what I've ever done to deserve them. I'll hug them tighter and take a few extra minutes tucking them in..snug as bugs in rugs.
My hope in writing all of this down...my goal to try make sense of it is to tell you that no matter how bad it is. How loud they scream and cry, how many times they break a cell phone, how many mounds of laundry and piles of messes they create, and the marathon late nights that the parents out there are still in heaven....it's a messy heaven, but heaven none the less.
This is not going to be a happy post. I have a lot on my mind due to some recent events and I have to get them out..it's the irrational motherly fear in me and if I don't let it loose it's just going to sit and fester like a wound.
Nick and I have these friends. We've always gotten together for dinners, lunches, a birthday party or two...we have standing Detroit Tiger game dates (this is all them..I'm the odd Boston man out).
These friends had a little boy right after Thanksgiving that they named Andrew. They hoped and prayed for him to come along for a while. They were as happy as they could be even though he had some heart issues. He had surgery and all was well, he was just waiting to come home. Instead of coming home he passed away unexpectedly.
I know this isn't about me in the least..but death does weird things to people..the death of a child will wreak havoc on your mental status if you don't work it out I'm finding.
As a person you think, oh..how terrible, I can't imagine, that's horrible. As a mother you wonder how are they getting out of bed in the mornings? How do they find the strength to even open their eyes? I have three kids and I can tell you that it's the most unreasonable and irrational thing...all three of them make me whole, but if I lost even one of them I would feel as if I'd lost everything. Mathematically, physically, scientifically..any way you look at it it makes no sense but it's no less true.
It is my worst fear realized...by people I know and love and that deserve nothing but happiness and bliss. I honestly can't even find words that come close to describing how sorry I am for them. In fact the words "I'm Sorry" feel and sound a pretty pathetic attempt.
They woke up that morning and had a world and lifetime of possibilities and joy ahead of them. Piles of laundry, countless late nights, mounds of dishes, hundreds of disagreements, dozens of birthdays and Christmases, thousands of snug as a bug in a rugs...and it was heaven. Okay, so it may not sound like heaven but trust me..I would never lead you wrong.
It was why they got up and made the trek to the hospital early in the morning and stayed until the wee hours of the night..or in the mother's case, why she never left. It was just that. That word. It's very powerful. She was finally a mother..and when she went to bed that night....
I can't even say it.
I know you never stop being a mother..but what do you call a mother that no longer has children? Your children define you...they are the reason you are called "mother" after all. It changes you, that word.
I think the second day could only be worse in one way. They had to wake up and realize it all over again.
I just had to get all this out...to work through it because they are constantly on my mind and probably will be for awhile. Andrew will be buried on Wednesday..in the midst of the world moving and flowing like nothing is wrong. People will get up and go to work or school...they'll cuss and swear and say how much they hate this and hate that. They'll rush here and there and yell for the kids to do their chores, homework. Somewhere a kid will think their parents are the biggest assholes on earth and maybe even wish they were never born. It will still be heaven.
These parents that should be celebrating his long anticipated arrival home will be putting him in the cold, hard ground instead. There will be no warm hugs...no snug as a bug in a rug.
I'll be spending the remainder of that day breathing in the scent of Aiana's obnoxious teenager perfume that I swear has permeated the walls in and around her bedroom..and smelling the warm coconutty smell of Aurora's hair while she reads me books that mostly annoy me. I'll be sending Avery a million and one "I love and miss you bunches!" texts and waiting for the reply that always comes.."I love and miss you more then bunches". Thanking the heavens above that they saw fit to bless me with three healthy kids and trying not to think too hard on the fact that I'm not sure what I've ever done to deserve them. I'll hug them tighter and take a few extra minutes tucking them in..snug as bugs in rugs.
My hope in writing all of this down...my goal to try make sense of it is to tell you that no matter how bad it is. How loud they scream and cry, how many times they break a cell phone, how many mounds of laundry and piles of messes they create, and the marathon late nights that the parents out there are still in heaven....it's a messy heaven, but heaven none the less.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Days of my Life
I've had a million things in my head that I would've loved to write down lately but find I can't keep my wits or thoughts about me for more than about two seconds.
Today was one of those days. A day full of random thoughts and wishes and wonders. I keep thinking to myself that there is a lot of work I want to do on the house. Random things. Repaint the living room, expand the kitchen, change out the backsplash, get new fans and lighting.
Wishing we had the money to do all of the above and then some. Money makes the world go round...sadly. Why can't I trade a chicken and some butter for kitchen tile?
My wonder is my kids. It's a day when I find myself more than once being a little nostalgic. Aiana is old enough to take drivers ed this summer if her grades are good enough. I'm torn on this subject. I'm floored by the fact that I'm old enough to have a child that's old enough to start driving. I really don't know when that happened. I was still changing diapers last week and figuring out that she wouldn't touch anything green in the baby food jars. She still doesn't like green things. Part of me is a little relieved because I have nothing but the past to prove to me that there is no way in hell her grades will be good enough for us to enroll her. Is it terrible that this makes me a little happy that I get to hold on to her for another year without having to face the realization that she's really going to be gone in a couple of years?
I have to start bracing myself for the fact that we will go our separate ways. There will be weeks that I'm sure I won't get to talk to her. She's had her fill of me already...and we still have a few years to go. Is it sad that from then on I'll want time to go a little fast so we can get to the point that we'll be close again? That she'll realize I really wasn't full of shit all these years?
I keep thinking about how weird it's going to be to have her driving all over town...at least I know she'll have a safe car...because it's already sitting in the driveway. It'll also be weird that soon Aurora will be the only one here. She'll be going through highschool all alone. Literally. Aiana swears she's moving out the summer she graduates...Aurora won't have her big sister anymore. I'm not sure why this saddens me because they really aren't close at all. They fight and bicker all.of.the.time.
Hopefully tomorrow we can get back to my normal scattered thoughts that don't involve mini freak outs because soon my very own spawn of satan will be released upon the streets and mixing with the general public. Have I also mentioned that she starts high school next year..and it's going to be a new school? I think that transition will be hardest for her but I'm hoping she'll actually meet some good kids and get to know them. She's in dire need of really good friends that are close enough to hang out with. Those are also wishes, that her transition goes as smoothly as possible. How hard can it be for a 15 year old to change schools and meet all new friends and get used to new teachers, right?
Yeah..I know. I've been there.
Oy vey.
Today was one of those days. A day full of random thoughts and wishes and wonders. I keep thinking to myself that there is a lot of work I want to do on the house. Random things. Repaint the living room, expand the kitchen, change out the backsplash, get new fans and lighting.
Wishing we had the money to do all of the above and then some. Money makes the world go round...sadly. Why can't I trade a chicken and some butter for kitchen tile?
My wonder is my kids. It's a day when I find myself more than once being a little nostalgic. Aiana is old enough to take drivers ed this summer if her grades are good enough. I'm torn on this subject. I'm floored by the fact that I'm old enough to have a child that's old enough to start driving. I really don't know when that happened. I was still changing diapers last week and figuring out that she wouldn't touch anything green in the baby food jars. She still doesn't like green things. Part of me is a little relieved because I have nothing but the past to prove to me that there is no way in hell her grades will be good enough for us to enroll her. Is it terrible that this makes me a little happy that I get to hold on to her for another year without having to face the realization that she's really going to be gone in a couple of years?
I have to start bracing myself for the fact that we will go our separate ways. There will be weeks that I'm sure I won't get to talk to her. She's had her fill of me already...and we still have a few years to go. Is it sad that from then on I'll want time to go a little fast so we can get to the point that we'll be close again? That she'll realize I really wasn't full of shit all these years?
I keep thinking about how weird it's going to be to have her driving all over town...at least I know she'll have a safe car...because it's already sitting in the driveway. It'll also be weird that soon Aurora will be the only one here. She'll be going through highschool all alone. Literally. Aiana swears she's moving out the summer she graduates...Aurora won't have her big sister anymore. I'm not sure why this saddens me because they really aren't close at all. They fight and bicker all.of.the.time.
Hopefully tomorrow we can get back to my normal scattered thoughts that don't involve mini freak outs because soon my very own spawn of satan will be released upon the streets and mixing with the general public. Have I also mentioned that she starts high school next year..and it's going to be a new school? I think that transition will be hardest for her but I'm hoping she'll actually meet some good kids and get to know them. She's in dire need of really good friends that are close enough to hang out with. Those are also wishes, that her transition goes as smoothly as possible. How hard can it be for a 15 year old to change schools and meet all new friends and get used to new teachers, right?
Yeah..I know. I've been there.
Oy vey.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Family Game Night
I need to share my newfound, or I guess it might be considered refound love, of family games. After spending a few days at friends houses playing games and playing card games for years I had forgotten how much fun can be had. I really would take pictures and post them but the lighting in our living room is HORRIBLE and soooo dark. I'm working on that.
We love all kinds of games. We love Canasta, Euchre, Cranium, Scrabble, Uno, too many to name..and today we bought a new game. It's Apples to Apples. I have seen this game many, many times in the store. I guess I thought it was along the lines of Scrabble Apple or Bananagrams and a kids game to boot. The most fantastic thing about this game is it truly is a family game. We played with only adults on New Years Eve and we also played a round or two with kids tonight after we got it home. It was rough going at first with the kids but after a bit and when they got the hang of it the fun factor kicked in.
Not only did we have some great laughs but I noticed with each card that Aurora was trying harder and harder to pronounce and read new words and learn what they mean...and all while having fun.
Next up on the game wish list? Scribblish.
I'm all over this game stuff.
We love all kinds of games. We love Canasta, Euchre, Cranium, Scrabble, Uno, too many to name..and today we bought a new game. It's Apples to Apples. I have seen this game many, many times in the store. I guess I thought it was along the lines of Scrabble Apple or Bananagrams and a kids game to boot. The most fantastic thing about this game is it truly is a family game. We played with only adults on New Years Eve and we also played a round or two with kids tonight after we got it home. It was rough going at first with the kids but after a bit and when they got the hang of it the fun factor kicked in.
Not only did we have some great laughs but I noticed with each card that Aurora was trying harder and harder to pronounce and read new words and learn what they mean...and all while having fun.
Next up on the game wish list? Scribblish.
I'm all over this game stuff.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Happy New Year!
Another year has ended. Another year has begun.
Every time this happens I do the usual and come up with a few resolutions. I'm happy with my spot in life, happy with all the possibilities the new year can offer because I'm not yet resigned to the fact that most of them will end in failure and despair.
This year I am bound and determined to come up with something that I can stick with so I'm starting with just a few.
The first one is to just be healthy and active. I'm going to turn down second helpings, exercise more, get out there and do some fun stuff with my kids (laser tag anyone?!), but if I want a piece of cake then I'm going to have a piece of cake damnit.
Second I'm going to do what makes me happy. I want to really focus on my camera more. I love it. It's almost an extension of me and because of that it's also been neglected for way too long. It is my bliss. It helps me capture things and people in my life that for either that second or forever are very important to me. I'm going to get out there and drum up some business. Who wouldn't want some free family portraits?
Last I'm going to try to cut negative people out of my life. I'm going to go about this two different ways. I'm going to do my best to make them a little happier or I'm just going to have to find a way to slowly cut them out. I don't care how close they are to me. I just feel I can't become the me I want to be if I'm surrounded by people that drag me down emotionally. It's too hard. It's like catching your line on seaweed but you don't want to lose your favorite lure so you keep pulling and tugging and refuse to cut that line and move on to the next one in the tackle box.
Also, I wish for the people in my life, great things. Healthy families, happy times, strong friendships, and sound sleeps.
Every time this happens I do the usual and come up with a few resolutions. I'm happy with my spot in life, happy with all the possibilities the new year can offer because I'm not yet resigned to the fact that most of them will end in failure and despair.
This year I am bound and determined to come up with something that I can stick with so I'm starting with just a few.
The first one is to just be healthy and active. I'm going to turn down second helpings, exercise more, get out there and do some fun stuff with my kids (laser tag anyone?!), but if I want a piece of cake then I'm going to have a piece of cake damnit.
Second I'm going to do what makes me happy. I want to really focus on my camera more. I love it. It's almost an extension of me and because of that it's also been neglected for way too long. It is my bliss. It helps me capture things and people in my life that for either that second or forever are very important to me. I'm going to get out there and drum up some business. Who wouldn't want some free family portraits?
Last I'm going to try to cut negative people out of my life. I'm going to go about this two different ways. I'm going to do my best to make them a little happier or I'm just going to have to find a way to slowly cut them out. I don't care how close they are to me. I just feel I can't become the me I want to be if I'm surrounded by people that drag me down emotionally. It's too hard. It's like catching your line on seaweed but you don't want to lose your favorite lure so you keep pulling and tugging and refuse to cut that line and move on to the next one in the tackle box.
Also, I wish for the people in my life, great things. Healthy families, happy times, strong friendships, and sound sleeps.
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