That is what I feel.
Finally. Good Goddess almighty, finally.
I'm pretty sure that to finally get us to this place I made a decision that worked for us but in the long run will kick us in the ass at some point.
I knew we just had to get through May..and with this being the year of whatever will be, will be..we rolled with it. I made that promise to myself before the whole no overtime and job switch deal. Either way I can say one thing. That mentality is working for us so far. Everything that has come at us has worked out in some way or another each and every time. It has renewed my faith in the universe.
When I left my job at the hospital I forgot all about my retirement. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't small either. I, in the midst of all of this financial hell, got a letter about cashing it out.
So..I did what any other broke ass adult would do when left with a choice between another frozen dinner or being able to eat some damn chicken. I cashed it out. I'm sure in 40 years something will come up when I'm trying to retire and this measly little cash out will cause me to have to work an extra year...or next year during tax time. I might even go so far as to say we'll feel it at both points.
But dammit, I wanted some fresh chicken.
At the beginning my husband fought me but as the bills were only slowly getting caught up and repair and medical bills were piling up (and let me tell you, we're not even sick people. Dental exams, wisdom tooth extraction, and a basic yearly exam are effing expensive!) I felt we didn't have a choice unless we still wanted to feel it clear into December.
All I can say, two weeks later, is that was a welcome relief. All of our bills are not only caught up but paid a month ahead, including our mortgage. We were able to do some seriously expensive car repairs without throwing up..only a little nausea. I also was able to get a new washing machine since the one we were using was at least 20 years old and wasn't draining so all of our "clean" clothes had a slight aroma that would remind one of a sewer.
In the end the only things that I would consider "blowing" the money on was replacing the camera I sold and have regretted from the second I did it and a bottle of perfume. To be fair even though I paid full price for the perfume there were so many gifts with purchase from things like M.A.C and LeMer and Cartier and a lot more..hell, I even got a double sided BBQ spatula tossed in for free, I really couldn't turn it down. I've been waiting a year for a sale to buy it. The freebies were good enough for me, who turns down a free BBQ spatula?
I don't recommend to the general public to cash out your retirement in exchange for smelling pretty but for us, it felt like the only choice we had to just be done with out predicament and still end up with savings.
Overall I am happy. I am finally back to sleeping good, on really clean sheets that smell like laundry soap. I also had some real beef hotdogs for dinner tonight. I've had my fill of chicken.
Life is good.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Blub
I need to get something off my chest. My exceptionally freckled, semi wrinkled and sun worn chest.
It's a lazy Sunday in these parts. The husband and kids are gone, the sun is shining, it's freaking 87 degrees outside. FINALLY.
The thing I need to get off my chest as I set here wasting my afternoon away on Pinterest, which subsequently leads me on little blog walks. Those walks lead me to the lives of people I don't know and am pretty sure I wouldn't really like in real life anyway.
These people are perfect. They cook perfectly, they clean perfectly, their lives are perfectly organized in perfectly written blog posts and they have perfectly executed photographs of themselves to show us all how perfect they really are.
I'm sure this will be a shock to any readers I do have. I am not perfect.
Today, as I sit home alone when I should be enjoying my time to myself, the usual thoughts run through my muddled brain.
First is money. Always money.
Second is my weight. This is where it gets really depressing...because our money woes aren't depressing enough, right?
I always thought my weight issues are because I am lazy. And love fried foods. And live for carbs.
Today I was faced with a much harsher reality. I'm not lazy.
Do you know how I know I'm not lazy? Because when I got hungry I didn't go for the lazy woman's route of grabbing a yogurt or string cheese. Instead I came across a recipe for eggless cookie dough you could just mix and eat that sounded too good to be true.
You already know how this ends. I didn't do the 10 second chore of grabbing either of the previously mentioned foods. I stood in that damn kitchen and took ten minutes to mix the eggless dough and had that instead. At least I didn't eat all of it. Yet.
I have two things I can take from this. I can take away the knowledge that I'm really not lazy. That's a relief, I was beginning to think I would have to break the habit of doing absolutely nothing around here.
I'm completely dry of self control. I wish this were the problem when it came to good things, like I wouldn't be able to stop myself from folding all of the laundry when it's clean or I would go crazy if I couldn't get that back corner of the fireplace mantle while dusting.
Nope. It's 100% related to food.
Ugh. Real life on my end of this blog is so not perfect.
It's a lazy Sunday in these parts. The husband and kids are gone, the sun is shining, it's freaking 87 degrees outside. FINALLY.
The thing I need to get off my chest as I set here wasting my afternoon away on Pinterest, which subsequently leads me on little blog walks. Those walks lead me to the lives of people I don't know and am pretty sure I wouldn't really like in real life anyway.
These people are perfect. They cook perfectly, they clean perfectly, their lives are perfectly organized in perfectly written blog posts and they have perfectly executed photographs of themselves to show us all how perfect they really are.
I'm sure this will be a shock to any readers I do have. I am not perfect.
Today, as I sit home alone when I should be enjoying my time to myself, the usual thoughts run through my muddled brain.
First is money. Always money.
Second is my weight. This is where it gets really depressing...because our money woes aren't depressing enough, right?
I always thought my weight issues are because I am lazy. And love fried foods. And live for carbs.
Today I was faced with a much harsher reality. I'm not lazy.
Do you know how I know I'm not lazy? Because when I got hungry I didn't go for the lazy woman's route of grabbing a yogurt or string cheese. Instead I came across a recipe for eggless cookie dough you could just mix and eat that sounded too good to be true.
You already know how this ends. I didn't do the 10 second chore of grabbing either of the previously mentioned foods. I stood in that damn kitchen and took ten minutes to mix the eggless dough and had that instead. At least I didn't eat all of it. Yet.
I have two things I can take from this. I can take away the knowledge that I'm really not lazy. That's a relief, I was beginning to think I would have to break the habit of doing absolutely nothing around here.
I'm completely dry of self control. I wish this were the problem when it came to good things, like I wouldn't be able to stop myself from folding all of the laundry when it's clean or I would go crazy if I couldn't get that back corner of the fireplace mantle while dusting.
Nope. It's 100% related to food.
Ugh. Real life on my end of this blog is so not perfect.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Life
Life is weird..and fun..and not so fun..and really amazing.
I'm still not sure how I feel about my new job. I don't think any co worker enjoys working there so I'm not sure how I can. I feel like it's a job. I finally got my first paycheck and it made me feel a little better about things financially but we're treading lightly.
We still have a way to go. So far we still have the house and cars so that's good news. We've gotten pretty crafty at meals and how to amp up the cool factor in the back yard since we plan on treading lightly for most of the year.
We have been feeling really lucky. When things get really tough, good things just seem to happen. Out of the blue. For no reason. I'm not going to look any gift horse in the mouth. I feel so grateful to the universe for looking out for us.
Here is the only thing that I'm not feeling so lucky about. Vacations.
We like taking trips. We like seeing and experiencing new things. Because of the state of our bank account we're doing things a little differently this year. We have decided to try camping. I have not been camping since I was little. Every single experience and memory I have of camping is terrible. I HATED going when I was little. I was the one that always ended up hurt, covered in poison ivy, covered in bug bites, woken up in a pool of water because the tent leaked...you name it. I can't recall any good camping trips.
I'm taking those memories and turning them around. I will have a few luxuries..as in air mattresses for me and the husband and the kids will get cots for cheaper than sleeping bags.
We've booked our first camping trip for Memorial Day weekend for a whopping $18 a night. That's cheap right? Let's just hope that we can live through two nights in a tent and have at least a few minutes of fun while we're at it.
All of our vacations have been great experiences. My kids, 99% of the time, have so much fun and turn into best friends when we're off to new places and seeing new things. I can't let those go just because we're broke. I love those moments with my family.
If it weren't for Pinterest I would be lost trying to figure out what to do to make us WANT to hang out in our back yard or make our camping trips cool. Let's just say I have a few projects sitting on the burners and I hope I have the time and energy to get them done. I'm glad there are so many crafty and imaginative people in the world. I am not one of them. I can get inspiration and ideas from others, I can copy a lot of stuff but to stare at an empty wine bottle and think "Man oh, man the things I could do with that!!" is not what I can do. I stare at an empty wine bottle and think "Man oh, man..I need a nap" if it's right after it's been emptied or I think it means a trip to the recycle plant. I'm not a creative person by nature. If it weren't for the fabulous thoughts of other people I would be miserable about the state we're in having to stay home for the summer instead of hopeful and thinking we will actually enjoy ourselves.
In other news, we are both ready to move out of Michigan. There is nothing holding us here, except this damn house. We're going to finish up a couple of things we have going on and then we're listing it no matter what. I'm guessing we'll have to go for a short sale if the last listing agent we had in here was right (although I think she was smoking meth with her figures and comps) but if that what it's going to take, then that's what we're going to do. The husband has never before actually said the words that he's ready to go but a couple of weeks ago that changed and it made me very happy.
We're both going to start job searches now and see where that search leads. I hope it takes us somewhere wonderful. I'm ready to find a forever job and get a good retirement going. That's my goal. I want to find a good place to work, a good place to live with good neighbors and kids for my kids to play with. We just want more. Who doesn't.
I still remain optimistic and I really hope that the universe continues to look out for us while we wade our way through this temporary river of financial muck.
I'm still not sure how I feel about my new job. I don't think any co worker enjoys working there so I'm not sure how I can. I feel like it's a job. I finally got my first paycheck and it made me feel a little better about things financially but we're treading lightly.
We still have a way to go. So far we still have the house and cars so that's good news. We've gotten pretty crafty at meals and how to amp up the cool factor in the back yard since we plan on treading lightly for most of the year.
We have been feeling really lucky. When things get really tough, good things just seem to happen. Out of the blue. For no reason. I'm not going to look any gift horse in the mouth. I feel so grateful to the universe for looking out for us.
Here is the only thing that I'm not feeling so lucky about. Vacations.
We like taking trips. We like seeing and experiencing new things. Because of the state of our bank account we're doing things a little differently this year. We have decided to try camping. I have not been camping since I was little. Every single experience and memory I have of camping is terrible. I HATED going when I was little. I was the one that always ended up hurt, covered in poison ivy, covered in bug bites, woken up in a pool of water because the tent leaked...you name it. I can't recall any good camping trips.
I'm taking those memories and turning them around. I will have a few luxuries..as in air mattresses for me and the husband and the kids will get cots for cheaper than sleeping bags.
We've booked our first camping trip for Memorial Day weekend for a whopping $18 a night. That's cheap right? Let's just hope that we can live through two nights in a tent and have at least a few minutes of fun while we're at it.
All of our vacations have been great experiences. My kids, 99% of the time, have so much fun and turn into best friends when we're off to new places and seeing new things. I can't let those go just because we're broke. I love those moments with my family.
If it weren't for Pinterest I would be lost trying to figure out what to do to make us WANT to hang out in our back yard or make our camping trips cool. Let's just say I have a few projects sitting on the burners and I hope I have the time and energy to get them done. I'm glad there are so many crafty and imaginative people in the world. I am not one of them. I can get inspiration and ideas from others, I can copy a lot of stuff but to stare at an empty wine bottle and think "Man oh, man the things I could do with that!!" is not what I can do. I stare at an empty wine bottle and think "Man oh, man..I need a nap" if it's right after it's been emptied or I think it means a trip to the recycle plant. I'm not a creative person by nature. If it weren't for the fabulous thoughts of other people I would be miserable about the state we're in having to stay home for the summer instead of hopeful and thinking we will actually enjoy ourselves.
In other news, we are both ready to move out of Michigan. There is nothing holding us here, except this damn house. We're going to finish up a couple of things we have going on and then we're listing it no matter what. I'm guessing we'll have to go for a short sale if the last listing agent we had in here was right (although I think she was smoking meth with her figures and comps) but if that what it's going to take, then that's what we're going to do. The husband has never before actually said the words that he's ready to go but a couple of weeks ago that changed and it made me very happy.
We're both going to start job searches now and see where that search leads. I hope it takes us somewhere wonderful. I'm ready to find a forever job and get a good retirement going. That's my goal. I want to find a good place to work, a good place to live with good neighbors and kids for my kids to play with. We just want more. Who doesn't.
I still remain optimistic and I really hope that the universe continues to look out for us while we wade our way through this temporary river of financial muck.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Stress
Let me just tell you about what makes me one of those (not so) fabulous atomic mothers.
I don't like to air dirty laundry out in public but this is my outlet, my journal of sorts.
I started a new job not so long ago. Two weeks to be exact. I have some good things that I most definitely love about the change and I have some things that I don't care for at all. Let me start with the good. Good is always a good place to start.
I'm home every weekend with the kids. I get to see sporting events and play games and watch movies. When the weather warms up I will get to go for walks and go to the beach and be a real mom again. I get to be home in the evenings and make dinner and talk about school and all the guts of being a mom. I get to be here. Really here. I like that.
Now the bad. And it's pretty bad, to me anyway. I know that my troubles are trivial to most but to me they are Mt. Everest right now. They're a conundrum. They have no solution right now. Right now. It will come. I'm sure I won't like it, but the solution will come.
I am anchored to a desk. I despise desks. I am alone and basically quarantined to a small room in the middle of a warehouse. My actual job, albeit new and different, is not going to be challenging. I'm going to be bored and when I get bored...bad things happen. I don't make a very good bored person.
I get paid once a month. This is where most of my stress and troubles are stemming. I tried to do the responsible thing. I tried to hang on at the hospital until the very last moment, trying to be a good adult and make sure there were no lapses in health and dental insurance. I held on and then started right away at the new place. I find out there's still going to be a one month lapse in insurance. My last paycheck was nothing because of the insurance premiums and union dues. Before all of this I had worked a lot of overtime. A LOT of overtime. In December my job changed, I was replaced by a computer program. Now, I knew that the loss of my overtime would pinch a bit. What I failed to realize was how much I actually made with that overtime. Pinch is the least of my worries.
I feel that I am currently failing my family. Due to the last four months of no overtime I fell behind on almost every single bill we have. On top of it I had to buy a new wardrobe for this new job. My husband told me to take our tax return to get what I needed. I didn't even use a quarter of it. I didn't buy anything over $15 and most things weren't even new. Now on top of the loss of my overtime, I have to go an entire month without a paycheck. I have to tell you...there is no stress like jumping every time you hear a noise outside...not that you think it's a burglar, but that you think they've come to repossess your car. I have never had my phone ring so much as it does now. I stress over every penny spent on milk or gas or bread.
I am not myself lately. I think stress does that to people. Actually I know that stress does that to people. I don't think we are in over our heads with debt. We don't have credit cards, our mortgage isn't high at all (we are not living in the lap of luxury, that's for sure), we don't drive extravagant cars. I honestly don't get why we're so far in the hole right now. We don't go blow money all willy, nilly.
I know we'll get out of this, it's an adjustment getting used to no overtime AND getting paid every four weeks but I just hope we can do it with both cars still parked in the driveway, our lights still on, and food in the fridge. Until then I'm just going to stress and worry that somehow I'm failing my family. I'm hoping that during the interim of all this chaos will also come an opportunity to really get to know my family and learn how to do more things together around the house.
Ugh. Being this atomic mom right now kind of sucks.
I don't like to air dirty laundry out in public but this is my outlet, my journal of sorts.
I started a new job not so long ago. Two weeks to be exact. I have some good things that I most definitely love about the change and I have some things that I don't care for at all. Let me start with the good. Good is always a good place to start.
I'm home every weekend with the kids. I get to see sporting events and play games and watch movies. When the weather warms up I will get to go for walks and go to the beach and be a real mom again. I get to be home in the evenings and make dinner and talk about school and all the guts of being a mom. I get to be here. Really here. I like that.
Now the bad. And it's pretty bad, to me anyway. I know that my troubles are trivial to most but to me they are Mt. Everest right now. They're a conundrum. They have no solution right now. Right now. It will come. I'm sure I won't like it, but the solution will come.
I am anchored to a desk. I despise desks. I am alone and basically quarantined to a small room in the middle of a warehouse. My actual job, albeit new and different, is not going to be challenging. I'm going to be bored and when I get bored...bad things happen. I don't make a very good bored person.
I get paid once a month. This is where most of my stress and troubles are stemming. I tried to do the responsible thing. I tried to hang on at the hospital until the very last moment, trying to be a good adult and make sure there were no lapses in health and dental insurance. I held on and then started right away at the new place. I find out there's still going to be a one month lapse in insurance. My last paycheck was nothing because of the insurance premiums and union dues. Before all of this I had worked a lot of overtime. A LOT of overtime. In December my job changed, I was replaced by a computer program. Now, I knew that the loss of my overtime would pinch a bit. What I failed to realize was how much I actually made with that overtime. Pinch is the least of my worries.
I feel that I am currently failing my family. Due to the last four months of no overtime I fell behind on almost every single bill we have. On top of it I had to buy a new wardrobe for this new job. My husband told me to take our tax return to get what I needed. I didn't even use a quarter of it. I didn't buy anything over $15 and most things weren't even new. Now on top of the loss of my overtime, I have to go an entire month without a paycheck. I have to tell you...there is no stress like jumping every time you hear a noise outside...not that you think it's a burglar, but that you think they've come to repossess your car. I have never had my phone ring so much as it does now. I stress over every penny spent on milk or gas or bread.
I am not myself lately. I think stress does that to people. Actually I know that stress does that to people. I don't think we are in over our heads with debt. We don't have credit cards, our mortgage isn't high at all (we are not living in the lap of luxury, that's for sure), we don't drive extravagant cars. I honestly don't get why we're so far in the hole right now. We don't go blow money all willy, nilly.
I know we'll get out of this, it's an adjustment getting used to no overtime AND getting paid every four weeks but I just hope we can do it with both cars still parked in the driveway, our lights still on, and food in the fridge. Until then I'm just going to stress and worry that somehow I'm failing my family. I'm hoping that during the interim of all this chaos will also come an opportunity to really get to know my family and learn how to do more things together around the house.
Ugh. Being this atomic mom right now kind of sucks.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Decent...
So my first foray into meal planning was, over all, a success. We had dinner on the table by 6 pm every night. All of the meals I made tasted good. Some will be put into rotation. The Black Bean Taco Soup? Was yummy...but tasted more like chili than taco soup.
We haven't gotten through all of the meals but so far I'm pretty impressed with how easy it was for me.
As far as my first week at my new job, I think it went well. I'm definitely more busy than I was at the hospital which is good. I don't have time to dwell on the possibility of being laid off. The people I'm working with are really nice so far so that's also good. I think once I get the hang of a new field of work and all the lingo that go with one. I'll be golden.
Nothing else to report really. We're still working on our downstairs bathroom and the kitchen.
I'm going to try my hand at meal planning again only putting a different spin on it. I'm going to plan out our meals based on what's on sale this week and see if we can do it a little cheaper than last week.
I didn't think $200 was a budget friendly way of meal planning but maybe I'm just being unrealistic about the whole thing. It came out to just over $18 a meal for a family of 4 but we only had leftovers half the time for lunch the following day. I just want to see if I can get the cost down a little bit without giving up real home cooked dinners for my family.
The saga continues.
We haven't gotten through all of the meals but so far I'm pretty impressed with how easy it was for me.
As far as my first week at my new job, I think it went well. I'm definitely more busy than I was at the hospital which is good. I don't have time to dwell on the possibility of being laid off. The people I'm working with are really nice so far so that's also good. I think once I get the hang of a new field of work and all the lingo that go with one. I'll be golden.
Nothing else to report really. We're still working on our downstairs bathroom and the kitchen.
I'm going to try my hand at meal planning again only putting a different spin on it. I'm going to plan out our meals based on what's on sale this week and see if we can do it a little cheaper than last week.
I didn't think $200 was a budget friendly way of meal planning but maybe I'm just being unrealistic about the whole thing. It came out to just over $18 a meal for a family of 4 but we only had leftovers half the time for lunch the following day. I just want to see if I can get the cost down a little bit without giving up real home cooked dinners for my family.
The saga continues.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Newbie
That's what I am. A newb. At least at meal planning and preparation. I can see it becoming a certified Olympic sport. That shizz is draining but I can already see where it's going to be worth it.
I start a new job tomorrow. A real one. Not that the one I had before wasn't real but this one will actually take up a lot of daytime hours. Hours I used to use for shopping and cooking and cleaning.
Ok.
I've stopped laughing now. The shopping part is true but the rest of the time was spent on my ass either in bed sleeping for days or on the couch watching...whatever is on in the middle of the day.
Anywhoo. I wanted a daytime job so I could be home and spending quality time with my family and if I'm spending an hour plus a day cooking alone in the kitchen, it defeats the purpose of being home for quality time.
I, as usual, was scouring Pinterest for easy recipes. I came across a pin that linked to this blog post. It gives the recipes for 8 dinners for a family of four with two leftover lunches. The food all looked good and fairly affordable so I decided to give it a try. I have to start somewhere, right?
Right away I can see how this is going to save time daily. Not only in the prepping and cooking department, but in clean up as well. You won't have all these pots and pans sitting in the sink every day. I don't plan on making all of these in the crock pot. I have a few in mind to bake in the oven, not that I'm anti crock pot, I just don't want that big ass thing claiming a permanent spot on my counter top. Until they make some affordable ones that are cute and coordinate with the rest of my permanent appliances..like the toaster.
I actually ended up with 11 dinners. Well..technically ten and a half. I followed all the recipes with only a couple of minor modifications. I followed the shopping list exactly, all modifications were made at the last minute because of my own weirdness and forgetfulness.
We have two dinners of ribs. My grocer only had a 6 pound pack of ribs so I went with it. This is where I have to make a decision. Is my family made up of a bunch of pigs or is my interpretation of a serving size a bit skewed? This was the one and a half meals. We have one full dinner and then a few extra ribs that we'll have for dinner tonight since all of the kids are off with friends. Perfect! Also, I swore we had liquid smoke when I was at the store. I was so sure of it that I didn't even think twice about it. Until I went to grab it. I had to wing it. I added a bit of Worcestershire sauce and a teeny bit of vinegar. Not smokey tasting so I went with tangy instead. For the hashbrown sides I forgot the sour cream so I couldn't get those prepped ahead of time like I wanted.
Most of these meals have, what I consider to be, very small portion sizes of meat. We love our meat here. I went with it in most cases. I don't think we're going to starve to death once we add in sides and maybe even a dessert or two.
I also expanded the chicken alfredo to two meals as well. I ended up using fresh broccoli because I could only find frozen cuts and I'm a snob. I only want the crowns. The stems are gross. We had some leftover frozen turkey from a week ago so I have one chicken alfredo and one turkey alfredo. Also, instead of dumping both jars of sauce into one bag like the recipe states, I used one jar and added a cup of milk to it instead. That's how I got two meals out of that one.
The french dip sandwiches was also converted into two meals. I think three pounds of roast is too much for a sandwich. Maybe my kids just don't really like sandwiches or they don't like really stuffed ones, I don't know. I had a roast that was 3.25 lbs. I cut it into two roasts, one at 2 lbs and the other the remaining 1.25. The two pound roast is for the french dip sandwiches, the remainder was tossed into another bag with some leftover carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic, and chicken broth and is just a basic roast dish. Not fancy but it'll work in a pinch.
I also went ahead and prepped some snacks for the kids and for me. I'm a snacker. I freaking love snacks. I will take 10 snacks over a meal any day of the week. The kids like stuff that's easy to grab and is at least a little sweet.
I have the usual bananas and clementine oranges on hand. We always have those. I also was able to get three tubs of strawberries thanks to the grocer having them on sale for a buck a piece. I washed and halved them, put them into individual serving tupperware bowls and sprinkled them with a teeny bit of brown sugar, cinnamon, and granola. I also got two cucumbers and using another Pinterest recipe, mixed them up with olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper, and chili powder. I am planning on making some crispy edamame too, the kids will devour that.
I can't vouch for the taste of any of it. That will come next week.
Here's to hoping it works and it all tastes good!
I start a new job tomorrow. A real one. Not that the one I had before wasn't real but this one will actually take up a lot of daytime hours. Hours I used to use for shopping and cooking and cleaning.
Ok.
I've stopped laughing now. The shopping part is true but the rest of the time was spent on my ass either in bed sleeping for days or on the couch watching...whatever is on in the middle of the day.
Anywhoo. I wanted a daytime job so I could be home and spending quality time with my family and if I'm spending an hour plus a day cooking alone in the kitchen, it defeats the purpose of being home for quality time.
I, as usual, was scouring Pinterest for easy recipes. I came across a pin that linked to this blog post. It gives the recipes for 8 dinners for a family of four with two leftover lunches. The food all looked good and fairly affordable so I decided to give it a try. I have to start somewhere, right?
Right away I can see how this is going to save time daily. Not only in the prepping and cooking department, but in clean up as well. You won't have all these pots and pans sitting in the sink every day. I don't plan on making all of these in the crock pot. I have a few in mind to bake in the oven, not that I'm anti crock pot, I just don't want that big ass thing claiming a permanent spot on my counter top. Until they make some affordable ones that are cute and coordinate with the rest of my permanent appliances..like the toaster.
I actually ended up with 11 dinners. Well..technically ten and a half. I followed all the recipes with only a couple of minor modifications. I followed the shopping list exactly, all modifications were made at the last minute because of my own weirdness and forgetfulness.
We have two dinners of ribs. My grocer only had a 6 pound pack of ribs so I went with it. This is where I have to make a decision. Is my family made up of a bunch of pigs or is my interpretation of a serving size a bit skewed? This was the one and a half meals. We have one full dinner and then a few extra ribs that we'll have for dinner tonight since all of the kids are off with friends. Perfect! Also, I swore we had liquid smoke when I was at the store. I was so sure of it that I didn't even think twice about it. Until I went to grab it. I had to wing it. I added a bit of Worcestershire sauce and a teeny bit of vinegar. Not smokey tasting so I went with tangy instead. For the hashbrown sides I forgot the sour cream so I couldn't get those prepped ahead of time like I wanted.
Most of these meals have, what I consider to be, very small portion sizes of meat. We love our meat here. I went with it in most cases. I don't think we're going to starve to death once we add in sides and maybe even a dessert or two.
I also expanded the chicken alfredo to two meals as well. I ended up using fresh broccoli because I could only find frozen cuts and I'm a snob. I only want the crowns. The stems are gross. We had some leftover frozen turkey from a week ago so I have one chicken alfredo and one turkey alfredo. Also, instead of dumping both jars of sauce into one bag like the recipe states, I used one jar and added a cup of milk to it instead. That's how I got two meals out of that one.
The french dip sandwiches was also converted into two meals. I think three pounds of roast is too much for a sandwich. Maybe my kids just don't really like sandwiches or they don't like really stuffed ones, I don't know. I had a roast that was 3.25 lbs. I cut it into two roasts, one at 2 lbs and the other the remaining 1.25. The two pound roast is for the french dip sandwiches, the remainder was tossed into another bag with some leftover carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic, and chicken broth and is just a basic roast dish. Not fancy but it'll work in a pinch.
I also went ahead and prepped some snacks for the kids and for me. I'm a snacker. I freaking love snacks. I will take 10 snacks over a meal any day of the week. The kids like stuff that's easy to grab and is at least a little sweet.
I have the usual bananas and clementine oranges on hand. We always have those. I also was able to get three tubs of strawberries thanks to the grocer having them on sale for a buck a piece. I washed and halved them, put them into individual serving tupperware bowls and sprinkled them with a teeny bit of brown sugar, cinnamon, and granola. I also got two cucumbers and using another Pinterest recipe, mixed them up with olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper, and chili powder. I am planning on making some crispy edamame too, the kids will devour that.
I can't vouch for the taste of any of it. That will come next week.
Here's to hoping it works and it all tastes good!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Dear Universe,
Holy crap has it been awhile. I really have no excuse other than, as usual, I have so much to say but it's all over. I'm positive I've developed ADD or something similar. I can't seem to focus on life much. I'm really hoping that's going to change soon.
We have been doing so much work on the house lately because we wanted to try and put it up for sale but we found out today that's not happening. We can't even get a third of what we need to break out of here and get a leg up so we're going to stick it out for a few more years. Big A still has a couple years of high school left so that gives us a bit more time. On the plus side, my house is freaking spotless right this second and it gives me the time to finish out the basement like I wanted AND get my super sized bedroom back. And...I don't have any dishes or laundry to do...for five minutes anyway.
I have Middle A on my mind constantly. I'm pretty sure he's the reason I can't seem to keep focus on anything else. At least I seem to be getting to talk to him more. I'm sure that's his dad's way of gloating over the court ruling. Either way, I don't care as long as I can talk to him.
Today was a big day for Little A but I'm sure she'll never remember. We went to Lowes to pick up the remaining tile for the kitchen, then out to a quick dinner since I had been up for about 38 hours straight and was NOT cooking, then we made a pit stop in Kohl's. Little A needed her first bras. Oh Lordy. I am pretty sure I'm not ready for the baby to be getting all grown up. Changes in girls are scary and gross. She's already an attitude terror, I'm not medicated enough to deal with puberty right now.
Again.
In other news, I start my new job on Monday. I'm still not exactly sure how I'm feeling about it. I know I'm excited because I get to work real people hours and I'm positive I won't miss my three day work weeks terribly until summer sets in and I just want to go to the lake. I'm going to miss the people I've come to know and love over the last six years at the hospital. I really hope we're able to stay in touch. It's hard when you are on what feels like an alternate universe that's laid over the top of the real one but flipped backwards. You get used to doing grocery shopping at midnight and paying bills at 4 am. Life is easier that way. It's harder when you try to have friends outside of that universe, no one understands why you get pissed when the UPS man drops packages off at 11am and rings the bell or why you come unhinged when your husband comes home for lunch at 1 pm and just slams things around in the kitchen thinking he's being oh so quiet.
I already feel as if this year is flying by at warp speed.
It's March 1st already. Where the hell did February go? Wasn't it just New Years?
I am trying my best to keep a positive outlook on things. I am going to make an effort to keep up on here. It's therapeutic to try to force myself to focus long enough to get some jumbled thoughts out. I'm holding tight to my resolution to not have any resolutions this year and it's going to be the year of whatever will be, will be. I think I'm doing pretty good just rolling with it.
Today I'm going to enjoy my last day to myself off. I'm not sure how but I'm sure it involves a mixed drink (maybe a couple) possibly a book and definitely a trip to the goodwill to see if I can find a solution to my growing nail polish obsession. I have everything in my underwear drawer right now except underwear. Next up on my list after I get that cleaned out, go buy some underwear.
We have been doing so much work on the house lately because we wanted to try and put it up for sale but we found out today that's not happening. We can't even get a third of what we need to break out of here and get a leg up so we're going to stick it out for a few more years. Big A still has a couple years of high school left so that gives us a bit more time. On the plus side, my house is freaking spotless right this second and it gives me the time to finish out the basement like I wanted AND get my super sized bedroom back. And...I don't have any dishes or laundry to do...for five minutes anyway.
I have Middle A on my mind constantly. I'm pretty sure he's the reason I can't seem to keep focus on anything else. At least I seem to be getting to talk to him more. I'm sure that's his dad's way of gloating over the court ruling. Either way, I don't care as long as I can talk to him.
Today was a big day for Little A but I'm sure she'll never remember. We went to Lowes to pick up the remaining tile for the kitchen, then out to a quick dinner since I had been up for about 38 hours straight and was NOT cooking, then we made a pit stop in Kohl's. Little A needed her first bras. Oh Lordy. I am pretty sure I'm not ready for the baby to be getting all grown up. Changes in girls are scary and gross. She's already an attitude terror, I'm not medicated enough to deal with puberty right now.
Again.
In other news, I start my new job on Monday. I'm still not exactly sure how I'm feeling about it. I know I'm excited because I get to work real people hours and I'm positive I won't miss my three day work weeks terribly until summer sets in and I just want to go to the lake. I'm going to miss the people I've come to know and love over the last six years at the hospital. I really hope we're able to stay in touch. It's hard when you are on what feels like an alternate universe that's laid over the top of the real one but flipped backwards. You get used to doing grocery shopping at midnight and paying bills at 4 am. Life is easier that way. It's harder when you try to have friends outside of that universe, no one understands why you get pissed when the UPS man drops packages off at 11am and rings the bell or why you come unhinged when your husband comes home for lunch at 1 pm and just slams things around in the kitchen thinking he's being oh so quiet.
I already feel as if this year is flying by at warp speed.
It's March 1st already. Where the hell did February go? Wasn't it just New Years?
I am trying my best to keep a positive outlook on things. I am going to make an effort to keep up on here. It's therapeutic to try to force myself to focus long enough to get some jumbled thoughts out. I'm holding tight to my resolution to not have any resolutions this year and it's going to be the year of whatever will be, will be. I think I'm doing pretty good just rolling with it.
Today I'm going to enjoy my last day to myself off. I'm not sure how but I'm sure it involves a mixed drink (maybe a couple) possibly a book and definitely a trip to the goodwill to see if I can find a solution to my growing nail polish obsession. I have everything in my underwear drawer right now except underwear. Next up on my list after I get that cleaned out, go buy some underwear.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Thanks
I haven't written in awhile. For various reasons I would start a post, then delete, then write, then save, then delete. As usual I was at a loss for words.
I find I'm back to not being able to shut my brain off. There is just so much crap swirling around in there.
I just popped a batch of cupcakes in the oven and decided I'd give myself the 25 minutes on the timer to just write.
Today, I guess a couple of days late, I realized how thankful I am for my life. For my family. They never think I'm weird..well, not often anyway.
My husband didn't question me when I bought two jumbo boxes of diapers and wipes to donate. He gave me a look that I know well, the "You know we're not made of money, right?" but he never said it. He gets points for that...or maybe the points should be awarded because he knows better than to argue with me. Either way, he gets them.
We finally made it home after grocery shopping and dropping the diapers off and I grabbed a bottle of champagne, the iPad, some candles and hightailed it up to the bathroom. I wanted to just relax and finish a book I've been working on for two weeks. For cripes sake, it's only a 350 page book, no reason to take two weeks to read. I was left alone for two hours, three quarters of that bottle of champagne, and burned a dozen candles to nothing but puddles. This comes on the back end of them letting me shop all night and day on Friday and again on Saturday, then letting me sleep for 16 hours...straight...uninterrupted.
I cannot tell you how lucky I am. As I sat there and soaked after I finished my book it hit me as it usually does, all of a sudden. It resides in the back of my mind. My family, for all of their quirks and annoyances, is actually pretty kick ass. We're so very lucky and I think we all forget that during the day to day grind. Not that we ever forget completely because I don't believe that for a second.
My children are healthy and for the most part, happy. My husband loves me and I love him. We have a solid house and jobs to pay the bills and still have a little extra at the end. We have struggled in the past, we still struggle now but we are still so very lucky.
I'm always so reflective at this time of year. Thanksgiving to New Years for me is strange. It's not really bittersweet. It's more...solemn than that but in a festive way. I'll admit it, I'll sit here and gaze at our tree and every year I love it. I love it because it's something we do as a family. We pick it out, we set it up, we decorate it, and admire our handy work. We all take care of it while it's up. It's so much more than a tree...it's time spent with the kids. It makes me miss Avery more and more. It's hard because his birthday has just passed. I didn't get to have dinner with him on Thanksgiving. I won't see him on Christmas day. I'm still thankful. He's still healthy and I know he loves me.
If you are reading this then you are lucky. You have a computer, and internet, and electricity. I joined a local group on facebook recently. I found it through the Momastery blog and their helping hands listing. I searched for someone local that I could possibly help. I was helped once and I will never, ever forget it. I'll tell the story.
A few years ago, the year after we bought the house, I still couldn't seem to find a full time job. I was working part time at Bath and Body Works at the local mall. I worked with good people..hard working people. I worked as many hours as they'd let me. I didn't bring home much because it was minimum wage, but it was something. I don't recall now what had come up right before Christmas, but it was expensive. We were not going to have any money for presents. Literally, not so much as a candy cane. I was so upset. I got a call one night a week before Christmas from one of my co workers at the mall asking me to come up for a meeting. I only live a few blocks away so I went. When I got there she had the back of her car loaded with gifts for my kids. I cried. Hard.
I have never forgotten that. I want to pay her back somehow. A nice trip to the spa, a great dinner out, something. She quit that job and I haven't seen her since. I wanted to pay it forward if I could not pay it back. It wasn't a lot, but to that woman that needed the diapers, it was enough. I've vowed to get as involved as I can with her group to try and help the overwhelming number of homeless people that live all around me.
I want to try to remember, every day, how thankful I should be for all the things I do have.
I find I'm back to not being able to shut my brain off. There is just so much crap swirling around in there.
I just popped a batch of cupcakes in the oven and decided I'd give myself the 25 minutes on the timer to just write.
Today, I guess a couple of days late, I realized how thankful I am for my life. For my family. They never think I'm weird..well, not often anyway.
My husband didn't question me when I bought two jumbo boxes of diapers and wipes to donate. He gave me a look that I know well, the "You know we're not made of money, right?" but he never said it. He gets points for that...or maybe the points should be awarded because he knows better than to argue with me. Either way, he gets them.
We finally made it home after grocery shopping and dropping the diapers off and I grabbed a bottle of champagne, the iPad, some candles and hightailed it up to the bathroom. I wanted to just relax and finish a book I've been working on for two weeks. For cripes sake, it's only a 350 page book, no reason to take two weeks to read. I was left alone for two hours, three quarters of that bottle of champagne, and burned a dozen candles to nothing but puddles. This comes on the back end of them letting me shop all night and day on Friday and again on Saturday, then letting me sleep for 16 hours...straight...uninterrupted.
I cannot tell you how lucky I am. As I sat there and soaked after I finished my book it hit me as it usually does, all of a sudden. It resides in the back of my mind. My family, for all of their quirks and annoyances, is actually pretty kick ass. We're so very lucky and I think we all forget that during the day to day grind. Not that we ever forget completely because I don't believe that for a second.
My children are healthy and for the most part, happy. My husband loves me and I love him. We have a solid house and jobs to pay the bills and still have a little extra at the end. We have struggled in the past, we still struggle now but we are still so very lucky.
I'm always so reflective at this time of year. Thanksgiving to New Years for me is strange. It's not really bittersweet. It's more...solemn than that but in a festive way. I'll admit it, I'll sit here and gaze at our tree and every year I love it. I love it because it's something we do as a family. We pick it out, we set it up, we decorate it, and admire our handy work. We all take care of it while it's up. It's so much more than a tree...it's time spent with the kids. It makes me miss Avery more and more. It's hard because his birthday has just passed. I didn't get to have dinner with him on Thanksgiving. I won't see him on Christmas day. I'm still thankful. He's still healthy and I know he loves me.
If you are reading this then you are lucky. You have a computer, and internet, and electricity. I joined a local group on facebook recently. I found it through the Momastery blog and their helping hands listing. I searched for someone local that I could possibly help. I was helped once and I will never, ever forget it. I'll tell the story.
A few years ago, the year after we bought the house, I still couldn't seem to find a full time job. I was working part time at Bath and Body Works at the local mall. I worked with good people..hard working people. I worked as many hours as they'd let me. I didn't bring home much because it was minimum wage, but it was something. I don't recall now what had come up right before Christmas, but it was expensive. We were not going to have any money for presents. Literally, not so much as a candy cane. I was so upset. I got a call one night a week before Christmas from one of my co workers at the mall asking me to come up for a meeting. I only live a few blocks away so I went. When I got there she had the back of her car loaded with gifts for my kids. I cried. Hard.
I have never forgotten that. I want to pay her back somehow. A nice trip to the spa, a great dinner out, something. She quit that job and I haven't seen her since. I wanted to pay it forward if I could not pay it back. It wasn't a lot, but to that woman that needed the diapers, it was enough. I've vowed to get as involved as I can with her group to try and help the overwhelming number of homeless people that live all around me.
I want to try to remember, every day, how thankful I should be for all the things I do have.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
I'm on this bandwagon. I'm having the best ride too.
I'll tell you why.
We're on a budget, I mean, who isn't these days? I love changing things in my house. My husband can attest to that. I think I have him painting a different room every few months. I can't help myself. Our home is a work in progress and I'm not quite comfortable here yet. By the time I get there I'm sure it will be time to move, but the good news is we'll be able to take almost all of our projects with us.
I'm very careful about that. Basically I'm staging my home to be sold..but only a few things will have to stay. Like the deck we'll put on, the new kitchen..which I'm convinced will single handedly sell this house. I'm dying for a $400 light from Pottery Barn. If I'm lucky enough to get my hands on it..that baby is going where ever I go, but the deck will stay.
I've had some great dinners thanks to Pinterest. Next up we're going for some small projects that have a big impact. Right now I still have two dozen wine bottles sitting in my dining room waiting to be made into tiki torches that will attach to our privacy fence. If I could find more replacement wicks that project would move along a lot faster.
Tonight I was looking specifically at bedroom decor on there. A few months, maybe even a year back, my husband decided he wanted our bedroom downstairs. We went from having about 800 square feet and a king sized bed to 144 square feet and a queen. Needless to say...it's not working. I've lost more than half my dresser space, a ton of closet space...and don't even get me started on the loss of sleeping space.
We hemmed and hawed over moving back to the larger room. Currently occupied by an electric fireplace, a ping pong table, couch, and tv entertainment center. All for the kids, that coincidentally never use any of it. The cost is what was getting us. We have to go out and buy all new furniture. Have any of you priced king sized beds lately? It's ridiculous.
Cue Pinterest.
I've managed to come up with a few ideas that I'm hoping make it more affordable. It's going to take a lot of work but in the end I think it's going to be great to have something so customized without the custom price tag. My husband and I have a very different idea of what we like but I think there's a way to blend it. It's called rustic chic. Nick is more of a straight up country look kind of guy. That stuff in my house makes me want to vomit. If there's ever a cow (unless it's a cute little cream container) in my kitchen, smack me. I'm all about the shabby chic. I like comfortable and neutral with pops of color here and there.
I'm hoping to combine a few different ideas that I've seen on there to give us both what we want for a cheap price. Like the reclaimed barn door headboard. We know a few old barns that are falling apart so this part should be easy enough, right? That gives Nick his country. I saw the idea of stapling fabric to box springs and adding furniture legs to give you a nice base without the need of a frame. Bonus! This is how I can add my shabby chic without spending a ton of extra money on a bed frame.
I can also hit up yard sales and Goodwill for some old dressers. I can repaint them to match and voila! New dressers without the new dresser price tag. Snap up a great area rug somewhere. This is where I'm sure I'll spend full price unless I get lucky at TJ Maxx or someone has a ton clearanced out but I'm okay with spending a bit of change as long as when I go, I can take it with me.
I'm excited about it. It's going to give us something to do together that we'll both love when we're all done.
Have any of you actually made anything you've seen on Pinterest? How'd it turn out?
Those are my random Wednesday night thoughts.
I'll tell you why.
We're on a budget, I mean, who isn't these days? I love changing things in my house. My husband can attest to that. I think I have him painting a different room every few months. I can't help myself. Our home is a work in progress and I'm not quite comfortable here yet. By the time I get there I'm sure it will be time to move, but the good news is we'll be able to take almost all of our projects with us.
I'm very careful about that. Basically I'm staging my home to be sold..but only a few things will have to stay. Like the deck we'll put on, the new kitchen..which I'm convinced will single handedly sell this house. I'm dying for a $400 light from Pottery Barn. If I'm lucky enough to get my hands on it..that baby is going where ever I go, but the deck will stay.
I've had some great dinners thanks to Pinterest. Next up we're going for some small projects that have a big impact. Right now I still have two dozen wine bottles sitting in my dining room waiting to be made into tiki torches that will attach to our privacy fence. If I could find more replacement wicks that project would move along a lot faster.
Tonight I was looking specifically at bedroom decor on there. A few months, maybe even a year back, my husband decided he wanted our bedroom downstairs. We went from having about 800 square feet and a king sized bed to 144 square feet and a queen. Needless to say...it's not working. I've lost more than half my dresser space, a ton of closet space...and don't even get me started on the loss of sleeping space.
We hemmed and hawed over moving back to the larger room. Currently occupied by an electric fireplace, a ping pong table, couch, and tv entertainment center. All for the kids, that coincidentally never use any of it. The cost is what was getting us. We have to go out and buy all new furniture. Have any of you priced king sized beds lately? It's ridiculous.
Cue Pinterest.
I've managed to come up with a few ideas that I'm hoping make it more affordable. It's going to take a lot of work but in the end I think it's going to be great to have something so customized without the custom price tag. My husband and I have a very different idea of what we like but I think there's a way to blend it. It's called rustic chic. Nick is more of a straight up country look kind of guy. That stuff in my house makes me want to vomit. If there's ever a cow (unless it's a cute little cream container) in my kitchen, smack me. I'm all about the shabby chic. I like comfortable and neutral with pops of color here and there.
I'm hoping to combine a few different ideas that I've seen on there to give us both what we want for a cheap price. Like the reclaimed barn door headboard. We know a few old barns that are falling apart so this part should be easy enough, right? That gives Nick his country. I saw the idea of stapling fabric to box springs and adding furniture legs to give you a nice base without the need of a frame. Bonus! This is how I can add my shabby chic without spending a ton of extra money on a bed frame.
I can also hit up yard sales and Goodwill for some old dressers. I can repaint them to match and voila! New dressers without the new dresser price tag. Snap up a great area rug somewhere. This is where I'm sure I'll spend full price unless I get lucky at TJ Maxx or someone has a ton clearanced out but I'm okay with spending a bit of change as long as when I go, I can take it with me.
I'm excited about it. It's going to give us something to do together that we'll both love when we're all done.
Have any of you actually made anything you've seen on Pinterest? How'd it turn out?
Those are my random Wednesday night thoughts.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Blur
That's this summer. A blur. It's gone so fast that I can barely keep up, I can feel it flying even as the days go by. It's almost like I can't see the day clearly even as I'm living it.
::Sigh::
I hate to see it go. Hopefully with the new season comes a new phase. A new part of my life...one that involves my son being here with me.
I'm just awaiting that letter that'll tell me when our court day is so I can get ready. I NEED to be ready, this isn't something I can be caught unawares about.
I'm finding that I'm torn, and panicky, and scared, and elated about the whole process. I'm torn because the last time I talked to him he seems to be loving life all of a sudden down there. He's happy about his teachers, his classes, the upcoming baseball season. I get to be the asshole that wants to tear him away from all of that.
I'm panicky for the same reasons. I hope that deep down, when they want to talk to him, that he comes clean with them about the same stuff he's told me. That he hates it down there. He's not happy. Normally when I talk to him he's so withdrawn and despondent about life. Like he's just resigned to the fact that he doesn't care and has no control. I have always hated hearing him like that. He's so animated and full of life when he's at my house.
I'm scared that he's going to hate me because he's finally happy. I'm scared that this is all going to backfire and both of them will be taken away from me. I'm scared that if I need to get a lawyer, I'm not going to be able to. I can't just sit down and crap out $3000. Lord, I wish I could..but I can't.
I know I'm doing the best thing I can for him right now but it doesn't stop me from feeling like a not so atomic mom about it all.
I hope that he's here for Halloween because he's never allowed to trick or treat since he's been in Tennessee, I think he'd love it. Get to run around like other kids and get all kinds of candy and treats, dress up and just have a lot of fun with it. I want him home for Christmas so we can wake up and open stockings and just chill with each other. I want them to all be able to fight like normal siblings instead of only talking every once in a blue moon on the phone.
I'm tired of feeling like I have an appendage missing all the time. I feel like half my heart and my right arm are just gone. Like what they say are ghost pains...I feel it. I know where they should be, but they're not.
I just need it to be over. I just want him home so we can all enjoy fall..and every season that comes after, all together.
::Sigh::
I hate to see it go. Hopefully with the new season comes a new phase. A new part of my life...one that involves my son being here with me.
I'm just awaiting that letter that'll tell me when our court day is so I can get ready. I NEED to be ready, this isn't something I can be caught unawares about.
I'm finding that I'm torn, and panicky, and scared, and elated about the whole process. I'm torn because the last time I talked to him he seems to be loving life all of a sudden down there. He's happy about his teachers, his classes, the upcoming baseball season. I get to be the asshole that wants to tear him away from all of that.
I'm panicky for the same reasons. I hope that deep down, when they want to talk to him, that he comes clean with them about the same stuff he's told me. That he hates it down there. He's not happy. Normally when I talk to him he's so withdrawn and despondent about life. Like he's just resigned to the fact that he doesn't care and has no control. I have always hated hearing him like that. He's so animated and full of life when he's at my house.
I'm scared that he's going to hate me because he's finally happy. I'm scared that this is all going to backfire and both of them will be taken away from me. I'm scared that if I need to get a lawyer, I'm not going to be able to. I can't just sit down and crap out $3000. Lord, I wish I could..but I can't.
I know I'm doing the best thing I can for him right now but it doesn't stop me from feeling like a not so atomic mom about it all.
I hope that he's here for Halloween because he's never allowed to trick or treat since he's been in Tennessee, I think he'd love it. Get to run around like other kids and get all kinds of candy and treats, dress up and just have a lot of fun with it. I want him home for Christmas so we can wake up and open stockings and just chill with each other. I want them to all be able to fight like normal siblings instead of only talking every once in a blue moon on the phone.
I'm tired of feeling like I have an appendage missing all the time. I feel like half my heart and my right arm are just gone. Like what they say are ghost pains...I feel it. I know where they should be, but they're not.
I just need it to be over. I just want him home so we can all enjoy fall..and every season that comes after, all together.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Nature
Get ready for another very random post people.
A little known fact? I'm a little bit of a tree hugger.
Okay, maybe not so little. At least to those that know me well. I am not as fantastic as I could be. I wish I could be the best damn earth saving philanthropist out there. I have to settle for just being me and having to work a "real job" and just doing what I can do.
I annoy the crap out of my husband because I'm not great at getting recyclables out of the house. Our town charges a butt load for curb side service. It's cheaper to just load the car up once in awhile and drive them the mile to the plant. It makes me feel good. I also know stuff slips through.
It's the same with my shopping. Everyone sometimes gets frustrated with me because I'm always harping about the state of our bank account but I'm willing to pay a few bucks for the good old blue Dawn dish soap because they help the animals. I'll pay the extra for post consumer content in my paper towel and aluminum foil. I'll buy local. I fell in L.O.V.E with a new farmers market this past Saturday. Maybe next time I go I'll get some pictures because it was amazing. I scored some pickled asparagus and honey made less than 15 miles from my house. Both are to die for. I love pure, raw honey. I know that stuff in the store says pure...but if you've ever had it straight from the farm, you know that thick gooey stuff in the bear bottle isn't the best stuff out there.
Believe it or not, this post was not actually brought to you by my trip to the market or my wish to save the planet. It was brought to you by my night time beauty routine.
You heard me correctly...my night time beauty routine. As I'm sitting in the bathroom applying my night cream (thank you old age..my face now requires night cream) and my hair oil and all that good jazz I realize that my love of nature and my love of saving my wallet a few bucks have found a perfect balance. It took a lot of time. A lot of bottles of stuff being tossed in the trash. A lot of irritated skin.
I realized that all of my products are almost all natural products. I found some amazing stuff in some not so traditional places. My favorite face cream is Burts Bees Baby Bee Buttermilk Lotion. My face adores that crap! The best oil for my hair? A $7 bottle of Burts Bees Baby Bee Almond Oil. I'm not joking when I say two drops of this stuff goes a very long way. The best serum and face cream? It's at The Body Shop. My new cleanser that took me almost three years to find? Neutrogena Naturals Cleanser and Make Up Remover. It's $5 a bottle. If your face is extra dry, go for some Say Yes to Carrots or Cucumbers. Very inexpensive.
I'm a firm believer that nature will always give us everything we need to survive. If you're hungry, you can grow something. If you're cold you can warm by a fire. If you're warm you can cool off with a breeze or some water. Nature is what will keep you beautiful..and save you a few bucks in the process.
Next time you find yourself stuck in a beauty rut...get out of the beauty aisles. Try something new.
A little known fact? I'm a little bit of a tree hugger.
Okay, maybe not so little. At least to those that know me well. I am not as fantastic as I could be. I wish I could be the best damn earth saving philanthropist out there. I have to settle for just being me and having to work a "real job" and just doing what I can do.
I annoy the crap out of my husband because I'm not great at getting recyclables out of the house. Our town charges a butt load for curb side service. It's cheaper to just load the car up once in awhile and drive them the mile to the plant. It makes me feel good. I also know stuff slips through.
It's the same with my shopping. Everyone sometimes gets frustrated with me because I'm always harping about the state of our bank account but I'm willing to pay a few bucks for the good old blue Dawn dish soap because they help the animals. I'll pay the extra for post consumer content in my paper towel and aluminum foil. I'll buy local. I fell in L.O.V.E with a new farmers market this past Saturday. Maybe next time I go I'll get some pictures because it was amazing. I scored some pickled asparagus and honey made less than 15 miles from my house. Both are to die for. I love pure, raw honey. I know that stuff in the store says pure...but if you've ever had it straight from the farm, you know that thick gooey stuff in the bear bottle isn't the best stuff out there.
Believe it or not, this post was not actually brought to you by my trip to the market or my wish to save the planet. It was brought to you by my night time beauty routine.
You heard me correctly...my night time beauty routine. As I'm sitting in the bathroom applying my night cream (thank you old age..my face now requires night cream) and my hair oil and all that good jazz I realize that my love of nature and my love of saving my wallet a few bucks have found a perfect balance. It took a lot of time. A lot of bottles of stuff being tossed in the trash. A lot of irritated skin.
I realized that all of my products are almost all natural products. I found some amazing stuff in some not so traditional places. My favorite face cream is Burts Bees Baby Bee Buttermilk Lotion. My face adores that crap! The best oil for my hair? A $7 bottle of Burts Bees Baby Bee Almond Oil. I'm not joking when I say two drops of this stuff goes a very long way. The best serum and face cream? It's at The Body Shop. My new cleanser that took me almost three years to find? Neutrogena Naturals Cleanser and Make Up Remover. It's $5 a bottle. If your face is extra dry, go for some Say Yes to Carrots or Cucumbers. Very inexpensive.
I'm a firm believer that nature will always give us everything we need to survive. If you're hungry, you can grow something. If you're cold you can warm by a fire. If you're warm you can cool off with a breeze or some water. Nature is what will keep you beautiful..and save you a few bucks in the process.
Next time you find yourself stuck in a beauty rut...get out of the beauty aisles. Try something new.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Guilt
I'm pretty sure I've posted before with this title but this is different. Or maybe not. Is guilt always the same? Does it matter what it stems from or just that your suffering with it? Who knows. I don't. Not sure I care either.
I've been fairly melancholy lately. I miss my kids. I miss being home (I'm working my ass off lately). I miss hanging with friends. I feel guilty for all of that too. Guilty for not spending enough time with the kids, the husband, the house, the dog...the washing machine and I are still talking on a daily basis though. The shower and I are drifting apart. That's bad.
Lately with all the talk about the economy, the housing market, the elections flying around like the thick and plentiful dust in my house it's got me down. I've had a lot on my mind about all of these things. I'm tired of it all. Prices are rising because of droughts, fires, and rising oil prices. The corn fields around me at home are sad...or just plain dead. We can barely get tomatoes to grow in the back yard. It's just too hot and dry. That makes my water and electric bill go up. I try to work overtime to cover that jump. Gas prices keep going up, produce prices keep going up, milk? I think we're going to have to switch to powered. I keep working overtime to cover that jump. I'm just tired. Worn out.
Life overload.
I've been working overtime to pay for making my house a veritable fortress against the others. By the others I mean the people in my neighborhood that feel it's okay to take from those they see as more fortunate. Am I? More fortunate than they are? Some days I think yes, others not so much. More yes than no. I do have HBO after all.
I've noticed stuff lately. The guilt I'm feeling is because I feel fortunate. I have a home, a job, a bed, and even though it's sparse, I have food in my kitchen...as long as you're not counting that banana that's been hanging around a week too long. I don't think that counts as food anymore.
There are so many people standing on the side of the road when I come to work with signs. They say "Need Work" or "Have family, have no food, please help" or the one I see almost every day "Anything will help, even a smile."
Then I think about seeing blurbs on TV of our president. He's smiling. He's on a private jet, he's smiling at a basketball game (up on the jumbo tron, kissing cam no less..that's a huge accomplishment is it not?), he's back from vacation, he's going on vacation. He's got his freshly pressed sleeves rolled up like he's ready to work hard....to get his hands dirty.
I'll admit it right here, publicly. I voted for him. I was ready for change. We needed a change. We needed a whole makeover.
I'm still waiting. Aren't we all? I'm not slamming him..or maybe I am. I don't know. I don't want to talk politics, I want to talk human kindness.
I wonder if President Obama's smiling face is the one that homeless and hungry man on the corner is looking for? How would he feel if it were him driving my car by...nothing to give but my own lunch meant to get me through the next 14 hours of work? Would that really help, a smile? I see a lot more than that. More than half have dogs with them, in 100 degree weather. Are they really homeless, hungry, and helpless to their situation or are they professional beggars that really could make more than I do in a day? I wonder this. Then I feel guilty for wondering this. Who am I to judge? I can only do my part. I want to do more for my fellow people, I hate that I have to leave them standing on that corner in the hot sun..their dogs with them just staying close to their masters like the best of friends do. I tell myself tomorrow I'm going to bring extra PB&J sandwiches and snack bags of veggies, baggies of dog food for their companions. Then I forget..and the next day I feel even more guilty for forgetting because I was too tired or lazy to get out of bed and ran late.
I'm not as up on my politics as I should be. I'm too upset about it all really. I feel like the state of our country is too overwhelming to try to fix...and I feel as if our only choices aren't really choices at all.
I just want to do better. I just want to help. I need to get rid of the guilt that I carry around all the damn time. I really will remember one of these days to pack a few extra sack lunches or grab some gift cards to fast food joints. I'll have doggie bags made up as well. There is other stuff to do, you can grow food and donate it to a food bank. You don't really have to get your hands dirty to help. Why don't I help more? Why can't I just go to bed happy with myself and the choices I've made for today?
I can't change what will happen in the higher ranks of this place...those that really make the decisions but I can change what's going on down here in the dredges of everyday life. I hope.
I hope everyone reading this will too. Don't judge the people you see...just help them. What they choose to do with your help is on their conscious, not yours. Yours will be clear.
We can be our own change...isn't that how the saying goes? Be the change you want to see in the world?
There it is...the stuff that won't let me sleep on a typical Tuesday.
I've been fairly melancholy lately. I miss my kids. I miss being home (I'm working my ass off lately). I miss hanging with friends. I feel guilty for all of that too. Guilty for not spending enough time with the kids, the husband, the house, the dog...the washing machine and I are still talking on a daily basis though. The shower and I are drifting apart. That's bad.
Lately with all the talk about the economy, the housing market, the elections flying around like the thick and plentiful dust in my house it's got me down. I've had a lot on my mind about all of these things. I'm tired of it all. Prices are rising because of droughts, fires, and rising oil prices. The corn fields around me at home are sad...or just plain dead. We can barely get tomatoes to grow in the back yard. It's just too hot and dry. That makes my water and electric bill go up. I try to work overtime to cover that jump. Gas prices keep going up, produce prices keep going up, milk? I think we're going to have to switch to powered. I keep working overtime to cover that jump. I'm just tired. Worn out.
Life overload.
I've been working overtime to pay for making my house a veritable fortress against the others. By the others I mean the people in my neighborhood that feel it's okay to take from those they see as more fortunate. Am I? More fortunate than they are? Some days I think yes, others not so much. More yes than no. I do have HBO after all.
I've noticed stuff lately. The guilt I'm feeling is because I feel fortunate. I have a home, a job, a bed, and even though it's sparse, I have food in my kitchen...as long as you're not counting that banana that's been hanging around a week too long. I don't think that counts as food anymore.
There are so many people standing on the side of the road when I come to work with signs. They say "Need Work" or "Have family, have no food, please help" or the one I see almost every day "Anything will help, even a smile."
Then I think about seeing blurbs on TV of our president. He's smiling. He's on a private jet, he's smiling at a basketball game (up on the jumbo tron, kissing cam no less..that's a huge accomplishment is it not?), he's back from vacation, he's going on vacation. He's got his freshly pressed sleeves rolled up like he's ready to work hard....to get his hands dirty.
I'll admit it right here, publicly. I voted for him. I was ready for change. We needed a change. We needed a whole makeover.
I'm still waiting. Aren't we all? I'm not slamming him..or maybe I am. I don't know. I don't want to talk politics, I want to talk human kindness.
I wonder if President Obama's smiling face is the one that homeless and hungry man on the corner is looking for? How would he feel if it were him driving my car by...nothing to give but my own lunch meant to get me through the next 14 hours of work? Would that really help, a smile? I see a lot more than that. More than half have dogs with them, in 100 degree weather. Are they really homeless, hungry, and helpless to their situation or are they professional beggars that really could make more than I do in a day? I wonder this. Then I feel guilty for wondering this. Who am I to judge? I can only do my part. I want to do more for my fellow people, I hate that I have to leave them standing on that corner in the hot sun..their dogs with them just staying close to their masters like the best of friends do. I tell myself tomorrow I'm going to bring extra PB&J sandwiches and snack bags of veggies, baggies of dog food for their companions. Then I forget..and the next day I feel even more guilty for forgetting because I was too tired or lazy to get out of bed and ran late.
I'm not as up on my politics as I should be. I'm too upset about it all really. I feel like the state of our country is too overwhelming to try to fix...and I feel as if our only choices aren't really choices at all.
I just want to do better. I just want to help. I need to get rid of the guilt that I carry around all the damn time. I really will remember one of these days to pack a few extra sack lunches or grab some gift cards to fast food joints. I'll have doggie bags made up as well. There is other stuff to do, you can grow food and donate it to a food bank. You don't really have to get your hands dirty to help. Why don't I help more? Why can't I just go to bed happy with myself and the choices I've made for today?
I can't change what will happen in the higher ranks of this place...those that really make the decisions but I can change what's going on down here in the dredges of everyday life. I hope.
I hope everyone reading this will too. Don't judge the people you see...just help them. What they choose to do with your help is on their conscious, not yours. Yours will be clear.
We can be our own change...isn't that how the saying goes? Be the change you want to see in the world?
There it is...the stuff that won't let me sleep on a typical Tuesday.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Comfortable
There's something about that word, comfortable. It's so ambiguous and so specific at the same time...all while being universally understood.
It describes those yoga pants of mine that I can't seem to get out of. My bed, all cozy and soft. The smell of clean laundry, the crook of my husband's shoulder, the feel of all my kids sitting around me just watching television.
I've always thought I was comfortable in my own skin, always known who I was as a person. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really was or if I just lost it somewhere along the way. If there was something at a point in my life that made me...well, uncomfortable.
As I get older I realize that maybe that's exactly what it was. I can't pinpoint when it happened. If it was a person or an event that did it. I only know that it happened because recently I find I'm getting back to it, to my old self.
I'm kind of a dork, more than a little weird, and I say a lot of inappropriate things and the most inappropriate times. I can't help it. There is no filter between my brain and my mouth. I find I don't do it so much online. I'm able to find a filter...I'm still not sure where. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with not being a size six. I'm okay with my wide ass feet and my wide ass. I'm okay with my jeans and tank tops. I'm not okay with my ridiculously plain and straight hair but that's an easy enough fix. I'm pretty comfortable with my parenting ways. I don't have bad kids..they just have bad days. Goodness knows I have plenty of my own.
I am enjoying this time, I love that I'm comfortable enough with my life to get back to me. Don't get me wrong, I have made many mistakes. I carry a lot of guilt. A lot. Even more.
My life is starting to feel comfortable in spite of it all. It reminds me of a light sweater in the spring. You don't wear it all the time but it's there. Hanging on your shoulders...around your waist...lurking in the back seat of the car. It's like an old, favorite comfortable spring sweater. A fuzzy yellow one.
It's taken a lot of years to get here. I just realized today that I'm content where I'm at. I'm not content with a few things, but overall, I really couldn't ask for more than what I have. We still struggle, we still have issues in our house but I wouldn't trade it. We're getting there. I'm getting there.
Comfortable. It feels good.
It describes those yoga pants of mine that I can't seem to get out of. My bed, all cozy and soft. The smell of clean laundry, the crook of my husband's shoulder, the feel of all my kids sitting around me just watching television.
I've always thought I was comfortable in my own skin, always known who I was as a person. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really was or if I just lost it somewhere along the way. If there was something at a point in my life that made me...well, uncomfortable.
As I get older I realize that maybe that's exactly what it was. I can't pinpoint when it happened. If it was a person or an event that did it. I only know that it happened because recently I find I'm getting back to it, to my old self.
I'm kind of a dork, more than a little weird, and I say a lot of inappropriate things and the most inappropriate times. I can't help it. There is no filter between my brain and my mouth. I find I don't do it so much online. I'm able to find a filter...I'm still not sure where. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with not being a size six. I'm okay with my wide ass feet and my wide ass. I'm okay with my jeans and tank tops. I'm not okay with my ridiculously plain and straight hair but that's an easy enough fix. I'm pretty comfortable with my parenting ways. I don't have bad kids..they just have bad days. Goodness knows I have plenty of my own.
I am enjoying this time, I love that I'm comfortable enough with my life to get back to me. Don't get me wrong, I have made many mistakes. I carry a lot of guilt. A lot. Even more.
My life is starting to feel comfortable in spite of it all. It reminds me of a light sweater in the spring. You don't wear it all the time but it's there. Hanging on your shoulders...around your waist...lurking in the back seat of the car. It's like an old, favorite comfortable spring sweater. A fuzzy yellow one.
It's taken a lot of years to get here. I just realized today that I'm content where I'm at. I'm not content with a few things, but overall, I really couldn't ask for more than what I have. We still struggle, we still have issues in our house but I wouldn't trade it. We're getting there. I'm getting there.
Comfortable. It feels good.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Cheapskate
That's me. I'm a cheapskate. A frugal little whore. Most of the time.
Over the years I've learned when to spend the money and when to skip it. I've learned a few tricks that maybe can help someone out somehow. Not sure why this is on my mind today. Probably because I'm broke as hell, stressed as hell, and want to spend lots of money. Which is how I usually deal with being broke and stressed.
Things I think you should never buy on the cheap:
Shoes
Bed linens
Jeans
Furniture
Toilet paper
Perfume
I'm not saying to always pay full price for those things. I'm a HUGE fan of getting deals on normally expensive things. Black Friday is the perfect day for scoring on the bed linens and jeans..maybe even the furniture. The best deals I ever found on Black Friday was a dishwasher, a convection microwave, and 1200 thread count sheet sets. It worked out to be able to save for those because I knew we'd end up finding deals and wouldn't have to wrestle the crowds because they're not common Christmas shopping things. All of those were under $100 each. DSW has the best clearance racks for shoes...combine that 70% off price tag with one of their $5 or $10 off coupons and you're walking out with a $150 pair of shoes for $8.
Just about everything else is fair game. I know some would argue the furniture bit there but after 3 kids, 16 years, and countless sofas, dining room tables, and recliners I've learned my lesson. There really IS a difference between a $250 sofa and an $1800 one. It's about 8 years and 2 kids worth of difference....and still going. Spend the money. You'll thank yourself, unless you're one of those people that has to buy new stuff every year. In that case just hit up IKEA.
I love Suave shampoos and conditioners, I've used the Biolage, Paul Mitchell, you name it. The Suave really does work just as well. Instead of the expensive hair oils I use Burts Bees Baby Bee Almond Oil. I buy Target brand body wash, unless my favorite Coconut SoftScrub is on sale. I've used Aussie Sprunch spray since 6th grade. It's changed a bit but I can't seem to give it up and it's still under $3 a bottle. My favorite eye liner of all time is still the $.93 long stick Wet n Wild. I can't get enough of the NYC $1.50 lipgloss. I can deal with regular baby lotion instead of the fancy pants stuff. Now Johnson and Johnson has a few different scents like Cocoa and Shea Butter, Country Apple, and Lavender. Nothing high end but it gets the job done. Cheap nailpolish is my obsession. I actually like doing my own nails at home with a cocktail and an epsom salt soak.
What I really have the most fun with is planning vacations on a budget. It's a challenge I take very seriously. My biggest secret is VRBO. I guess I can't really call it a secret, I think I tell everyone I know about it. It's how I got a 5 bedroom, 5 bath house with its own pool and hot tub for $1100 for 8 days. It's how I went to Hawaii, twice, for $85 a day. I love it, I really can't get enough. If you're planning a trip for three nights or longer it's a must. You always have a fully stocked kitchen so you can save even more by making your own meals. Not a fantastic idea but hey..if you want to afford to go to Hawaii or the likes, you make concessions. I wanted the Hawaiian food experience so instead of restaurants or eateries (we still went to a few) we hit the local farmers market or food stands and cooked with all the local fare. I think I have more fun than should be allowed searching for the perfect place when we decide to go somewhere. Searching for free or cheap activities. Look for local Groupons before you go for restaurants or shops.
I'm not afraid to hit up places like TJ Maxx for shoes, clothes, even my pots and pans. It's also a great place to pick up small gifts like cook books, picture frames, kitchen gadgets, or even a bathrobe and pajama set or a kitchen apron.
This post kind of came out of left field but I knew I needed to write about something and this ended up being it.
If not, at least you killed a few minutes of your work day. Or not..because it's Saturday.
Over the years I've learned when to spend the money and when to skip it. I've learned a few tricks that maybe can help someone out somehow. Not sure why this is on my mind today. Probably because I'm broke as hell, stressed as hell, and want to spend lots of money. Which is how I usually deal with being broke and stressed.
Things I think you should never buy on the cheap:
Shoes
Bed linens
Jeans
Furniture
Toilet paper
Perfume
I'm not saying to always pay full price for those things. I'm a HUGE fan of getting deals on normally expensive things. Black Friday is the perfect day for scoring on the bed linens and jeans..maybe even the furniture. The best deals I ever found on Black Friday was a dishwasher, a convection microwave, and 1200 thread count sheet sets. It worked out to be able to save for those because I knew we'd end up finding deals and wouldn't have to wrestle the crowds because they're not common Christmas shopping things. All of those were under $100 each. DSW has the best clearance racks for shoes...combine that 70% off price tag with one of their $5 or $10 off coupons and you're walking out with a $150 pair of shoes for $8.
Just about everything else is fair game. I know some would argue the furniture bit there but after 3 kids, 16 years, and countless sofas, dining room tables, and recliners I've learned my lesson. There really IS a difference between a $250 sofa and an $1800 one. It's about 8 years and 2 kids worth of difference....and still going. Spend the money. You'll thank yourself, unless you're one of those people that has to buy new stuff every year. In that case just hit up IKEA.
I love Suave shampoos and conditioners, I've used the Biolage, Paul Mitchell, you name it. The Suave really does work just as well. Instead of the expensive hair oils I use Burts Bees Baby Bee Almond Oil. I buy Target brand body wash, unless my favorite Coconut SoftScrub is on sale. I've used Aussie Sprunch spray since 6th grade. It's changed a bit but I can't seem to give it up and it's still under $3 a bottle. My favorite eye liner of all time is still the $.93 long stick Wet n Wild. I can't get enough of the NYC $1.50 lipgloss. I can deal with regular baby lotion instead of the fancy pants stuff. Now Johnson and Johnson has a few different scents like Cocoa and Shea Butter, Country Apple, and Lavender. Nothing high end but it gets the job done. Cheap nailpolish is my obsession. I actually like doing my own nails at home with a cocktail and an epsom salt soak.
What I really have the most fun with is planning vacations on a budget. It's a challenge I take very seriously. My biggest secret is VRBO. I guess I can't really call it a secret, I think I tell everyone I know about it. It's how I got a 5 bedroom, 5 bath house with its own pool and hot tub for $1100 for 8 days. It's how I went to Hawaii, twice, for $85 a day. I love it, I really can't get enough. If you're planning a trip for three nights or longer it's a must. You always have a fully stocked kitchen so you can save even more by making your own meals. Not a fantastic idea but hey..if you want to afford to go to Hawaii or the likes, you make concessions. I wanted the Hawaiian food experience so instead of restaurants or eateries (we still went to a few) we hit the local farmers market or food stands and cooked with all the local fare. I think I have more fun than should be allowed searching for the perfect place when we decide to go somewhere. Searching for free or cheap activities. Look for local Groupons before you go for restaurants or shops.
I'm not afraid to hit up places like TJ Maxx for shoes, clothes, even my pots and pans. It's also a great place to pick up small gifts like cook books, picture frames, kitchen gadgets, or even a bathrobe and pajama set or a kitchen apron.
This post kind of came out of left field but I knew I needed to write about something and this ended up being it.
If not, at least you killed a few minutes of your work day. Or not..because it's Saturday.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Insomnia
I just want to say that I'm a normal person. I think. I think I'm a normal person.
I think normal people have insomnia. I'm not sure if it's because I work nights or because I have a brain that refuses to shut off. It could be a bit of both. I don't know, I don't even know if I care. What I do know is that I'm tired. I'm tired of not being able to sleep. The fact that I am exhausted when I drive home in the morning, even having to put my cell phone down because I'm too tired to hold it to my ear and talk to the person that is trying to keep me awake...that's how tired I am.
I'll finally crawl into my cloud like heaven and then my brain seems to go into overdrive. I am relaxed, I'm ready to float off into dreams of cupcakes, folded laundry, and well behaving kids that don't fight. It's almost as if that relaxation opens the flood gates to my mind.
All of a sudden there's an avalanche of thoughts about whether or not I rememered to log out of my computer at work. Did I water the dog? Do we need milk? I think the kitchen is starting to stink, why do I think it's doing that? When did I do laundry last, do I have clean underwear for work tonight, when was the last time the kids showered, do they stink..maybe that's what the smell in the kitchen was...Avery was standing right there.
It doesn't stop, it goes faster until it's literally five thoughts at once and they get jumbled and then I begin to wonder if I'm going crazy.
If you think I haven't tried or heard everything that is supposed to help me, you are very wrong. Okay. I lied, I haven't tried straight up exercise. I'm too fucking tired to do lunges and run a mile when I get home after a 12 and a half hour shift and then drive another hour to get here.
I'm hoping writing will help. Writing about anything really. Obviously tonight it's the insomnia itself.
Maybe if I get some of these thoughts out of my brain they can stop floating around and give me some peace.
I'll do the drugs if I need to, but the last time I did that I ended up folding laundry while naked and somehow found some Taco Bell cinnamon twists to feed to my dog. At least I didn't drive anywhere, I don't think.
I'll do them again if I have to, even though things get weird I still sleep great and actually wake up alert. I can fix a bowl of cereal and not forget where we put the spoons.
We'll see how this goes.
I think normal people have insomnia. I'm not sure if it's because I work nights or because I have a brain that refuses to shut off. It could be a bit of both. I don't know, I don't even know if I care. What I do know is that I'm tired. I'm tired of not being able to sleep. The fact that I am exhausted when I drive home in the morning, even having to put my cell phone down because I'm too tired to hold it to my ear and talk to the person that is trying to keep me awake...that's how tired I am.
I'll finally crawl into my cloud like heaven and then my brain seems to go into overdrive. I am relaxed, I'm ready to float off into dreams of cupcakes, folded laundry, and well behaving kids that don't fight. It's almost as if that relaxation opens the flood gates to my mind.
All of a sudden there's an avalanche of thoughts about whether or not I rememered to log out of my computer at work. Did I water the dog? Do we need milk? I think the kitchen is starting to stink, why do I think it's doing that? When did I do laundry last, do I have clean underwear for work tonight, when was the last time the kids showered, do they stink..maybe that's what the smell in the kitchen was...Avery was standing right there.
It doesn't stop, it goes faster until it's literally five thoughts at once and they get jumbled and then I begin to wonder if I'm going crazy.
If you think I haven't tried or heard everything that is supposed to help me, you are very wrong. Okay. I lied, I haven't tried straight up exercise. I'm too fucking tired to do lunges and run a mile when I get home after a 12 and a half hour shift and then drive another hour to get here.
I'm hoping writing will help. Writing about anything really. Obviously tonight it's the insomnia itself.
Maybe if I get some of these thoughts out of my brain they can stop floating around and give me some peace.
I'll do the drugs if I need to, but the last time I did that I ended up folding laundry while naked and somehow found some Taco Bell cinnamon twists to feed to my dog. At least I didn't drive anywhere, I don't think.
I'll do them again if I have to, even though things get weird I still sleep great and actually wake up alert. I can fix a bowl of cereal and not forget where we put the spoons.
We'll see how this goes.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Small Successes
I love them. I love the small steps. I think I like them more than a bunch of big successes because you tend to get wrapped up in those, caught up in the moment of them. The little ones are the under dogs, the silent heroes. The little ones give you the motivation to keep going without distracting you from the big picture while still giving you that feeling.
We actually completed our third goal ahead of our second. Not by much, but Hey..I'll take what I can get, when I can get it.
We paid off a student loan! Should I say it louder?
WE PAID OFF A STUDENT LOAN!!!
I just want to say that I hate those fucking things. They hang over your head from the minute you graduate, quite possibly until the day you die...if you have a graduate or PhD. I don't. My husband doesn't, but we have quite a bit in student loan debt, you would've thought one of us did. I am glad to say that three of them are fairly low balances. Well, now two. We did just pay one off. Can't forget that.
FINALLY! One step that will actually make a bigger difference. No more $100 a month going out for that one..we can apply it to another and get that one paid off early as well. You wouldn't think $100 a month is a lot. I'm here to tell you that there were many, many times that $100 could've kept us above water.
I can't even say how happy I am now that we have all of our spending under control and all of our bills up to date..and are even making progress at paying them off.
Yes, I work harder. I work a LOT more days...it makes me grumpy sometimes.
But...
I sleep better, I even woke up with a smile on my face the other day. I honestly don't remember when, or if, that has ever happened before.
I laugh more. I'm not under this horrible weight that is constantly crawling around on my back and using it's long, spindly fingers to grasp onto my brain and hold tight. Always there, always biting and growling at me. Keeping me awake when I should be sleeping, keeping me down when I should be enjoying my family.
The kids don't see it yet but they will. They will when I'm able to just drop everything this summer and go buy them something just for the hell of it. I will too. I'll go get them something frivolous and fun...and reasonably priced, but still fun. They've helped and sacrificed for this as well. The deserve to see it..and since I don't give my kids access to my bank account, they'll have to settle for something a little more materialistic. I have a feeling they won't mind.
This small success showed my husband that even though we STILL don't have any money in the bank, it's not because we've blown it and need to find more. It's because we've made progress and are seeing a difference. He was having a hard time seeing the results, seeing that things really have changed.
Thank goodness for small successes. This will have me floating on cloud 9 until we hit the next one. Soon.
We actually completed our third goal ahead of our second. Not by much, but Hey..I'll take what I can get, when I can get it.
We paid off a student loan! Should I say it louder?
WE PAID OFF A STUDENT LOAN!!!
I just want to say that I hate those fucking things. They hang over your head from the minute you graduate, quite possibly until the day you die...if you have a graduate or PhD. I don't. My husband doesn't, but we have quite a bit in student loan debt, you would've thought one of us did. I am glad to say that three of them are fairly low balances. Well, now two. We did just pay one off. Can't forget that.
FINALLY! One step that will actually make a bigger difference. No more $100 a month going out for that one..we can apply it to another and get that one paid off early as well. You wouldn't think $100 a month is a lot. I'm here to tell you that there were many, many times that $100 could've kept us above water.
I can't even say how happy I am now that we have all of our spending under control and all of our bills up to date..and are even making progress at paying them off.
Yes, I work harder. I work a LOT more days...it makes me grumpy sometimes.
But...
I sleep better, I even woke up with a smile on my face the other day. I honestly don't remember when, or if, that has ever happened before.
I laugh more. I'm not under this horrible weight that is constantly crawling around on my back and using it's long, spindly fingers to grasp onto my brain and hold tight. Always there, always biting and growling at me. Keeping me awake when I should be sleeping, keeping me down when I should be enjoying my family.
The kids don't see it yet but they will. They will when I'm able to just drop everything this summer and go buy them something just for the hell of it. I will too. I'll go get them something frivolous and fun...and reasonably priced, but still fun. They've helped and sacrificed for this as well. The deserve to see it..and since I don't give my kids access to my bank account, they'll have to settle for something a little more materialistic. I have a feeling they won't mind.
This small success showed my husband that even though we STILL don't have any money in the bank, it's not because we've blown it and need to find more. It's because we've made progress and are seeing a difference. He was having a hard time seeing the results, seeing that things really have changed.
Thank goodness for small successes. This will have me floating on cloud 9 until we hit the next one. Soon.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I'll Bite
Lately I've been seeing a lot of things being said about reverse bucket lists. I'm not even going to explain what they are because I know that all four people that read this blog already know.
I'm going to bite, I'm going to go through my own list.
Here it goes.
I don't see any of my experiences in life as bad, I think they've all helped me to be a better person, to understand what it's like to go through great times...and not so great times.
I look forward to adding many more things to this list and how much fun it will be and the memories that will go with each addition.
I'm going to bite, I'm going to go through my own list.
Here it goes.
- I've had three children
- I still love those three children (no, this is not always a guarantee) and love raising them.
- I've been married...twice.
- I've been divorced once.
- I've owned a home.
- I've lost a home.
- I've been bankrupt
- I've struggled daily to put food on the table for my family.
- I've helped others in need
- I've been at the top as well as at the bottom
- I have a job I enjoy...most days.
- I've been to Hawaii...twice.
- I've been to Chicago, Washington DC, Boston, Maine, Florida...each place means something to me.
- I have a college degree...not a major one, but I did work my ass off for it.
- I've renovated a home with my husband...and we're still married.
- I've worked a ton of really fun jobs and met some fantastic people in the process.
- I not only learned how to work the internet, I've met the most amazing people through it that have become almost like family to me.
I don't see any of my experiences in life as bad, I think they've all helped me to be a better person, to understand what it's like to go through great times...and not so great times.
I look forward to adding many more things to this list and how much fun it will be and the memories that will go with each addition.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Freedom
So..I just need to get this all out, our small successes. My musings. My excitement.
I will be the first in line to shout it from a mountain top. Budgets are hard. It's even harder to live within the perimeter that you set for yourself. Did you know that?
I'm not sure if anyone has ever heard the Shania Twain song called KaChing? It's the truth of my life. Why is it so hard for people to live within their means? This country was started by people that had no means in which to live. They came with the clothes on their backs and not much else..very little money the majority of them, I'm sure. Where did we get this behavior from? Where is it ingrained into our brains that more is better and less is bad? That he who has the biggest house and most expensive car wins? I think he (she) who can sit down with their family for dinner every day and sleep soundly at night and carelessly play games with their kids wins. The one that is actually present every day.
It's nerve wracking and stressful when you have to spend time everyday pouring over your finances or always having to leave to go to work. Everyone is scattered because stress is the mainstay in your life, no one wants to be around anyone else. Money, in my opinion is both the root of all evil and the wonderful thing that keeps this world spinning round. It really does make or break you.
My ex husband is life long friends with a successful major league baseball player. We used to go a few times a year to their hometown to visit them. My ex would go play golf or whatever it is they did. His wife and I would always go have a nice quiet lunch together and just talk. We really didn't have anything in common. She grew up with money, she never knew what it was to struggle for even a day. Her parents bought her first car....a shiny new mustang (the the rage back in the early 90's), they built their house with cash, paid cash for the land. When I first met her she was a typical spoiled little rich girl. She did what she wanted, when she wanted, no matter the cost.
Then one visit when we sat down for lunch...we actually talked. She asked me about having kids and staying home with them. What did I go through in a day, what did I do with my time? She wasn't mocking or judgmental, she was curious and interested. After lunch we went back to their house to wait for the guys to get back. We still had hours. We talked and talked. I found out she had finally grown up. It was one statement that made me realize it. Even though I haven't talked to her in damn near ten years, I will never forget what she said to me that day when we talked about the differences between our lives. She said it took her a very long time to realize how very lucky she was. She was lucky she had no debt to hold her back, she was lucky to have money in the bank to do things she liked because she knows many people that don't...she was lucky to be able to lay her head down at night and fall right to sleep because she never learned what it was to stress about bills or money or anything like that. Her house was paid for. Her car was paid for. Law school was paid for. She was lucky to be able to just spend time with her family, she could eat dinner and have real conversations and take them places and no one worried. I want that. I want that kind of freedom in my life.
I think when this is all over...starting next year I'm going to implement a little thing I'm going to call Dump Day. We're going to dump life for a day. One random day we're going to call into work, the kids are going to skip school and we're just going to go do something fun. Go make pottery, go to the zoo, hit the beach, go shopping, take in a movie. Just because we can. I know some people think attendance in school and at work is one of the most important things for kids to learn. I think learning that your family comes before work and school is important. Not that I don't value education because I do, but I don't see anything wrong with playing hookey for one day from life. I look forward to this treat. My time with my kids is limited, they're going to be all grown up soon and my chances to hang with them for a day will drastically dwindle to holidays. I will never be able to live like she did, that baseball players wife. I know the struggles of having no money, not knowing if I was going to be able to keep the lights on or have enough gas in my car to drive to work..and if I didn't if I had enough vacation time banked to call in or was I going to have to take it unpaid. Those experiences make me who I am. I'm comfortable with that. I use all of my past life lessons to direct my futures path. At least I try to.
I am so happy to report that at this point we hit our very first goal that we had set for ourselves, we are on our way to making that a reality. We paid off ALL of our past due and back debt. ALL OF IT. Because you don't live in my bank account you cannot know how fantastic or how amazingly hard that shit was or how far we had to go. I think it was harder than labor..but then again I don't remember much of labor so I could be lying but you get my point. We did this in 30 days. Imagine what we can do in 365.
I busted my ass to make it happen. WE busted our asses. We all helped. Well...Aiana didn't help much, she didn't want to abide by the water and room heater rules (she likes to keep her room at a balmy cool 99 degrees at all times) so we had to take her heater away and she gets a prompt pounding on the door when her shower is approaching the half hour mark. Such is life. She's 15, she's going to hate us no matter what so we can use that to our advantage.
I can't even express in words how exciting this is for me and how excited it makes me to continue on. I'm finding I can actually sleep at night...day...whatever. I'm not dwelling over what needs to be paid that week, what bills I get to choose between and what can be pushed off, what turn off notice do I need to deal with this week. It's...it's...pressure relieving. It's that big sigh that just makes you feel like you've lost twenty pounds. I love this feeling. This feeling is what's going to get me through the rest of the year.
We are off and running towards our second goal now. To build savings. I think we should be able to hit that goal early but I know there are a few hurdles in our way this time around. We have two cars that need brakes, we need a new shower in one of the bathrooms, and I think we're going to need engine work on the older car. If I can stay on top of it we should be able to work each of those things into the budget, but it's also tax season.
Tax season scares me like nothing else. It's like a guessing game. Do we have to pay in? Do we get money back? Why, oh WHY do we always owe so much city tax?? I don't get it. I probably never will. Oh well..not a damn thing we can do about it except make it through and deal with it again next year. It's what will determine if we hit our goal early, on time, or push us behind.
All that said I'm hopeful and very optimistic that we'll hit our second goal early. I just need to keep busting my hump like I've been doing and eventually it will pay off. We made it through January, right? Only eleven more months to go.
Only 332 more days to go until our goal of knowing absolute freedom.
I will be the first in line to shout it from a mountain top. Budgets are hard. It's even harder to live within the perimeter that you set for yourself. Did you know that?
I'm not sure if anyone has ever heard the Shania Twain song called KaChing? It's the truth of my life. Why is it so hard for people to live within their means? This country was started by people that had no means in which to live. They came with the clothes on their backs and not much else..very little money the majority of them, I'm sure. Where did we get this behavior from? Where is it ingrained into our brains that more is better and less is bad? That he who has the biggest house and most expensive car wins? I think he (she) who can sit down with their family for dinner every day and sleep soundly at night and carelessly play games with their kids wins. The one that is actually present every day.
It's nerve wracking and stressful when you have to spend time everyday pouring over your finances or always having to leave to go to work. Everyone is scattered because stress is the mainstay in your life, no one wants to be around anyone else. Money, in my opinion is both the root of all evil and the wonderful thing that keeps this world spinning round. It really does make or break you.
My ex husband is life long friends with a successful major league baseball player. We used to go a few times a year to their hometown to visit them. My ex would go play golf or whatever it is they did. His wife and I would always go have a nice quiet lunch together and just talk. We really didn't have anything in common. She grew up with money, she never knew what it was to struggle for even a day. Her parents bought her first car....a shiny new mustang (the the rage back in the early 90's), they built their house with cash, paid cash for the land. When I first met her she was a typical spoiled little rich girl. She did what she wanted, when she wanted, no matter the cost.
Then one visit when we sat down for lunch...we actually talked. She asked me about having kids and staying home with them. What did I go through in a day, what did I do with my time? She wasn't mocking or judgmental, she was curious and interested. After lunch we went back to their house to wait for the guys to get back. We still had hours. We talked and talked. I found out she had finally grown up. It was one statement that made me realize it. Even though I haven't talked to her in damn near ten years, I will never forget what she said to me that day when we talked about the differences between our lives. She said it took her a very long time to realize how very lucky she was. She was lucky she had no debt to hold her back, she was lucky to have money in the bank to do things she liked because she knows many people that don't...she was lucky to be able to lay her head down at night and fall right to sleep because she never learned what it was to stress about bills or money or anything like that. Her house was paid for. Her car was paid for. Law school was paid for. She was lucky to be able to just spend time with her family, she could eat dinner and have real conversations and take them places and no one worried. I want that. I want that kind of freedom in my life.
I think when this is all over...starting next year I'm going to implement a little thing I'm going to call Dump Day. We're going to dump life for a day. One random day we're going to call into work, the kids are going to skip school and we're just going to go do something fun. Go make pottery, go to the zoo, hit the beach, go shopping, take in a movie. Just because we can. I know some people think attendance in school and at work is one of the most important things for kids to learn. I think learning that your family comes before work and school is important. Not that I don't value education because I do, but I don't see anything wrong with playing hookey for one day from life. I look forward to this treat. My time with my kids is limited, they're going to be all grown up soon and my chances to hang with them for a day will drastically dwindle to holidays. I will never be able to live like she did, that baseball players wife. I know the struggles of having no money, not knowing if I was going to be able to keep the lights on or have enough gas in my car to drive to work..and if I didn't if I had enough vacation time banked to call in or was I going to have to take it unpaid. Those experiences make me who I am. I'm comfortable with that. I use all of my past life lessons to direct my futures path. At least I try to.
I am so happy to report that at this point we hit our very first goal that we had set for ourselves, we are on our way to making that a reality. We paid off ALL of our past due and back debt. ALL OF IT. Because you don't live in my bank account you cannot know how fantastic or how amazingly hard that shit was or how far we had to go. I think it was harder than labor..but then again I don't remember much of labor so I could be lying but you get my point. We did this in 30 days. Imagine what we can do in 365.
I busted my ass to make it happen. WE busted our asses. We all helped. Well...Aiana didn't help much, she didn't want to abide by the water and room heater rules (she likes to keep her room at a balmy cool 99 degrees at all times) so we had to take her heater away and she gets a prompt pounding on the door when her shower is approaching the half hour mark. Such is life. She's 15, she's going to hate us no matter what so we can use that to our advantage.
I can't even express in words how exciting this is for me and how excited it makes me to continue on. I'm finding I can actually sleep at night...day...whatever. I'm not dwelling over what needs to be paid that week, what bills I get to choose between and what can be pushed off, what turn off notice do I need to deal with this week. It's...it's...pressure relieving. It's that big sigh that just makes you feel like you've lost twenty pounds. I love this feeling. This feeling is what's going to get me through the rest of the year.
We are off and running towards our second goal now. To build savings. I think we should be able to hit that goal early but I know there are a few hurdles in our way this time around. We have two cars that need brakes, we need a new shower in one of the bathrooms, and I think we're going to need engine work on the older car. If I can stay on top of it we should be able to work each of those things into the budget, but it's also tax season.
Tax season scares me like nothing else. It's like a guessing game. Do we have to pay in? Do we get money back? Why, oh WHY do we always owe so much city tax?? I don't get it. I probably never will. Oh well..not a damn thing we can do about it except make it through and deal with it again next year. It's what will determine if we hit our goal early, on time, or push us behind.
All that said I'm hopeful and very optimistic that we'll hit our second goal early. I just need to keep busting my hump like I've been doing and eventually it will pay off. We made it through January, right? Only eleven more months to go.
Only 332 more days to go until our goal of knowing absolute freedom.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Serenity
You would think my life would be anything but serene right now. My kids are always at each others throats, my house is a total disaster, I've been working a LOT of hours every week (I think I even forgot I had kids this week), and I don't think I've spent more than five minutes with my husband in almost a month.
It's serene because I'm seeing progress. I'm seeing a LOT of progress. We've managed to unbury ourselves from the biggest pile of past due bills I think I've ever seen. It's serene because, for now, I'm still in a happy place when I get called in for some extra hours. I've hit my goal of overtime days for January and then some. I know a ton more is headed my way for February. It's my hope that I can just bust my ass now, just for a few months and then I can ride out the summer enjoying my time at home, with my family.
I've had bumps. Most people would think I was effing insane by what I consider bumps but a bump is a bump. It's still really hard to figure this stuff out but we're plugging along.
I've realized that I had a shopping addiction. I still have a shopping addiction. Thank Goodness for Pinterest and Target lists. I can feel like I'm shopping in a way. Find super cute things, fall for them, place them in the appropriate list and move on. I'll get there. Nick and I went on a date tonight. Do you want to know what broke ass people do for dates? We went for me to get the worst $10 haircut known to man and then walked around a little strip mall right next door..sporting my terrible haircut. We walked around Target. Have any of you been there?! Have you seen ALL of their spring stuff?!! It's amazing and it's beautiful and I want it. I want it all. I was saying just that to Nick as I was looking for new couch pillows to go with the new furniture that I plan to buy next year.
Then the most amazing thing happend. Nick looked at me and he said, "soon. You'll be able to buy whatever you want soon."
Now you don't know my husband at all but normally he just walks quietly with me talking about work or video games or the kids or not saying anything at all. He was very hard to convince about this Total Money Makeover. Even though he's been through it with me once before, he was a skeptic. What those words meant to me was...I've turned him into a believer. He actually believes we're going to make it, we're going to hit all of our goals and get out of this huge ass mess we've gotten ourselves into. He's finally, 100% on board with all of it and he sees that our sacrifices ARE making a difference!
That's when I realized how serene I am about the whole thing, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, giving up my shopping addiction.
I walked right out of that store with a huge ass smile on my face...and didn't buy a damn thing.
It's serene because I'm seeing progress. I'm seeing a LOT of progress. We've managed to unbury ourselves from the biggest pile of past due bills I think I've ever seen. It's serene because, for now, I'm still in a happy place when I get called in for some extra hours. I've hit my goal of overtime days for January and then some. I know a ton more is headed my way for February. It's my hope that I can just bust my ass now, just for a few months and then I can ride out the summer enjoying my time at home, with my family.
I've had bumps. Most people would think I was effing insane by what I consider bumps but a bump is a bump. It's still really hard to figure this stuff out but we're plugging along.
I've realized that I had a shopping addiction. I still have a shopping addiction. Thank Goodness for Pinterest and Target lists. I can feel like I'm shopping in a way. Find super cute things, fall for them, place them in the appropriate list and move on. I'll get there. Nick and I went on a date tonight. Do you want to know what broke ass people do for dates? We went for me to get the worst $10 haircut known to man and then walked around a little strip mall right next door..sporting my terrible haircut. We walked around Target. Have any of you been there?! Have you seen ALL of their spring stuff?!! It's amazing and it's beautiful and I want it. I want it all. I was saying just that to Nick as I was looking for new couch pillows to go with the new furniture that I plan to buy next year.
Then the most amazing thing happend. Nick looked at me and he said, "soon. You'll be able to buy whatever you want soon."
Now you don't know my husband at all but normally he just walks quietly with me talking about work or video games or the kids or not saying anything at all. He was very hard to convince about this Total Money Makeover. Even though he's been through it with me once before, he was a skeptic. What those words meant to me was...I've turned him into a believer. He actually believes we're going to make it, we're going to hit all of our goals and get out of this huge ass mess we've gotten ourselves into. He's finally, 100% on board with all of it and he sees that our sacrifices ARE making a difference!
That's when I realized how serene I am about the whole thing, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, giving up my shopping addiction.
I walked right out of that store with a huge ass smile on my face...and didn't buy a damn thing.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Daydreams
We all have them. We all do it. Something reminds you of something else and before you know it you're staring glassy eyed at a pencil but all you're seeing is the Eiffel Tower or that pair of Louboutins.
I'm so sleepy lately that all I seem to do is daydream. I'll daydream about hiking around Slovenia while cooking dinner. I'll daydream about sunbathing on a beach while I'm folding laundry.
Lately I've been daydreaming about my forever home. I hope I can go home to my forever home some day soon. I would love to build from scratch but I'm sure if I looked hard enough I would find one standing somewhere that would need minor changes.
Hell, I don't even know where I want to end up. I've had my eye on the Smoky Mountains for awhile now but I think I should visit before I decide to live there forever. Who knows, maybe my heart will really be in New Mexico...or Montana...or in Boston...or on a beach in Florida. Maybe I should just invest in one of those high tech ultra luxe RV's.
I'm hoping you didn't show up at this blog today for anything deep or profound. If so I apologize. I'm still getting back into it and maybe someday I'll have something great to say that can resonate with the world.
Today just isn't that day.
I'm too busy trying not to turn into a cryogenic sample on my couch under these three blankets...and letting my mind take me places like Hawaii, Mexico, or Italy.....or even to the shoe store up the road...or even better, a new super capacity washer and dryer. Man, now I'm getting excited.
So on these cold, winter nights...let your mind go for a spin somewhere nice, or to the local appliance store. It's' nice to just daydream every once in awhile.
I'm so sleepy lately that all I seem to do is daydream. I'll daydream about hiking around Slovenia while cooking dinner. I'll daydream about sunbathing on a beach while I'm folding laundry.
Lately I've been daydreaming about my forever home. I hope I can go home to my forever home some day soon. I would love to build from scratch but I'm sure if I looked hard enough I would find one standing somewhere that would need minor changes.
Hell, I don't even know where I want to end up. I've had my eye on the Smoky Mountains for awhile now but I think I should visit before I decide to live there forever. Who knows, maybe my heart will really be in New Mexico...or Montana...or in Boston...or on a beach in Florida. Maybe I should just invest in one of those high tech ultra luxe RV's.
I'm hoping you didn't show up at this blog today for anything deep or profound. If so I apologize. I'm still getting back into it and maybe someday I'll have something great to say that can resonate with the world.
Today just isn't that day.
I'm too busy trying not to turn into a cryogenic sample on my couch under these three blankets...and letting my mind take me places like Hawaii, Mexico, or Italy.....or even to the shoe store up the road...or even better, a new super capacity washer and dryer. Man, now I'm getting excited.
So on these cold, winter nights...let your mind go for a spin somewhere nice, or to the local appliance store. It's' nice to just daydream every once in awhile.
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