Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Days of my Life

I've had a million things in my head that I would've loved to write down lately but find I can't keep my wits or thoughts about me for more than about two seconds.

Today was one of those days.  A day full of random thoughts and wishes and wonders.  I keep thinking to myself that there is a lot of work I want to do on the house.  Random things.  Repaint the living room, expand the kitchen, change out the backsplash, get new fans and lighting.

Wishing we had the money to do all of the above and then some.  Money makes the world go round...sadly.  Why can't I trade a chicken and some butter for kitchen tile?

My wonder is my kids.  It's a day when I find myself more than once being a little nostalgic.  Aiana is old enough to take drivers ed this summer if her grades are good enough.  I'm torn on this subject.  I'm floored by the fact that I'm old enough to have a child that's old enough to start driving.  I really don't know when that happened.  I was still changing diapers last week and figuring out that she wouldn't touch anything green in the baby food jars.  She still doesn't like green things.  Part of me is a little relieved because I have nothing but the past to prove to me that there is no way in hell her grades will be good enough for us to enroll her.  Is it terrible that this makes me a little happy that I get to hold on to her for another year without having to face the realization that she's really going to be gone in a couple of years?

I have to start bracing myself for the fact that we will go our separate ways.  There will be weeks that I'm sure I won't get to talk to her.  She's had her fill of me already...and we still have a few years to go.  Is it sad that from then on I'll want time to go a little fast so we can get to the point that we'll be close again?  That she'll realize I really wasn't full of shit all these years?

I keep thinking about how weird it's going to be to have her driving all over least I know she'll have a safe car...because it's already sitting in the driveway.  It'll also be weird that soon Aurora will be the only one here.  She'll be going through highschool all alone.  Literally.  Aiana swears she's moving out the summer she graduates...Aurora won't have her big sister anymore.  I'm not sure why this saddens me because they really aren't close at all.  They fight and bicker all.of.the.time.

Hopefully tomorrow we can get back to my normal scattered thoughts that don't involve mini freak outs because soon my very own spawn of satan will be released upon the streets and mixing with the general public.  Have I also mentioned that she starts high school next year..and it's going to be a new school?  I think that transition will be hardest for her but I'm hoping she'll actually meet some good kids and get to know them.  She's in dire need of really good friends that are close enough to hang out with.  Those are also wishes, that her transition goes as smoothly as possible.  How hard can it be for a 15 year old to change schools and meet all new friends and get used to new teachers, right?

Yeah..I know.  I've been there.

Oy vey.

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