Comfortable

There's something about that word, comfortable.  It's so ambiguous and so specific at the same time...all while being universally understood.

It describes those yoga pants of mine that I can't seem to get out of.  My bed, all cozy and soft.  The smell of clean laundry, the crook of my husband's shoulder, the feel of all my kids sitting around me just watching television.

I've always thought I was comfortable in my own skin, always known who I was as a person.  I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really was or if I just lost it somewhere along the way.  If there was something at a point in my life that made me...well, uncomfortable.

As I get older I realize that maybe that's exactly what it was.  I can't pinpoint when it happened.  If it was a person or an event that did it.  I only know that it happened because recently I find I'm getting back to it, to my old self.

I'm kind of a dork, more than a little weird, and I say a lot of inappropriate things and the most inappropriate times.  I can't help it.  There is no filter between my brain and my mouth.  I find I don't do it so much online.  I'm able to find a filter...I'm still not sure where.  I'm okay with it.  I'm okay with not being a size six.  I'm okay with my wide ass feet and my wide ass.  I'm okay with my jeans and tank tops.  I'm not okay with my ridiculously plain and straight hair but that's an easy enough fix.  I'm pretty comfortable with my parenting ways.  I don't have bad kids..they just have bad days.  Goodness knows I have plenty of my own.

I am enjoying this time, I love that I'm comfortable enough with my life to get back to me.  Don't get me wrong, I have made many mistakes.  I carry a lot of guilt.  A lot.  Even more. 

My life is starting to feel comfortable in spite of it all.  It reminds me of a light sweater in the spring.  You don't wear it all the time but it's there.  Hanging on your shoulders...around your waist...lurking in the back seat of the car.  It's like an old, favorite comfortable spring sweater.  A fuzzy yellow one.

It's taken a lot of years to get here.  I just realized today that I'm content where I'm at.  I'm not content with a few things, but overall, I really couldn't ask for more than what I have.  We still struggle, we still have issues in our house but I wouldn't trade it.  We're getting there.  I'm getting there.

Comfortable.  It feels good.